I have unreasonable trust issues with him

Published: Sep 06, 2019, 06:10 IST | DR Love

I know this is unreasonable because he has never given me any reason to doubt him, and he cares about me, so this is causing us some serious harm

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI have serious trust issues with my boyfriend for reasons that don't make a lot of sense. We have been together for over three years now, but I still get suspicious when he is on the phone or late from work. I know this is unreasonable because he has never given me any reason to doubt him, and he cares about me, so this is causing us some serious harm. He has started withholding information from me because he thinks I will start to panic and get possessive. I want to stop being so paranoid, but don't know how. What should I do to make sure this doesn't affect our relationship? It seems to be getting worse.

Your awareness of what the problem is ought to make it easier for you to deal with this on your own. The fact that you can't, signifies that you may need to speak to a professional counsellor. If your boyfriend hasn't given you any reasons to doubt him, your insecurity is something that needs to be addressed. There isn't anything wrong with how you feel, but it's important to understand why you feel the way you do. I suggest you speak to your boyfriend about why you think it's a problem and how you intend to fix it.

I don't understand why men always have a twisted notion of women they want to be with. These fictional, fantasy women don't exist in the real world and their expectations makes it hard for women to be themselves. How do we change this?

Is this something that affects you personally, or is it a general rant about how men behave in general? You're right about unrealistic expectations, but wrong about it only affecting men. Not every man or woman is the same, obviously, and treating people like individuals is usually a better idea because you will eventually find someone who accepts you for who you are. We all do.

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