I want casual, he wants permanent

Updated: May 29, 2020, 04:22 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I don't know why he is acting this way now and it is ruining things between us

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picA guy I met on an online dating app a few months ago is upset with me because he wants a serious relationship. I was very clear at the start that I wanted something casual and he seemed okay with it too. I don't know why he is acting this way now and it is ruining things between us. I am tempted to just end it because I don't want to deal with this unnecessary drama. Does this make me a bad person?

Why are you blaming yourself for his inability to accept what you were very clear about from the start? If the two of you want different things from this relationship, how will it work? Also, if you understand that this was always meant to be casual, and identify it as 'unnecessary drama', it seems as if you have already made the sensible decision to put this behind you and move on. Don't evaluate yourself based on how he thinks of you, just because he doesn't agree with what you want.

My boyfriend and I had a massive fight a week ago because we were both very drunk. I don't even remember the things I said but, apparently, I attacked him where it hurts, and he hasn't been the same since. I have apologised, obviously, but I don't think he has forgiven me yet and I don't even know what I am apologising for. Please help.

Have you told him that you are apologising for something you don't remember? If there were nasty things said, it happened because you were both to blame, so taking this responsibility onto yourself absolves him for his actions. If he refuses to forgive, despite your apology, there is nothing you can do about it. Make it clear that you don't remember, ask him to remind you of what you said, and then decide whether you really feel the way you did when you said those things. That may also make your apology seem more genuine than he thinks it is.

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