"Okay Lobo Lobo, have a cup of tea, and tell me why you look like a character out of a Hitchcock movie."
Uday Mohite
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Lobo Lobo came to my house, totally frazzled.
"Okay Lobo Lobo, have a cup of tea, and tell me why you look like a character out of a Hitchcock movie."
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"Wot wot all to tell to you Dikuna men! Wot a last week it's been men, oh fo!"
"Start at the very beginning, it's a very good place to start."
"See men, my building Popatlal Co-operative Housing Society, it's a big society men, made up of six different-different buildings, but has one committee, 300 flats total men…"
"Lobo Lobo, please get to the point."
"Sorry men. See, we are having General Elections, and I thought I would stand for de post of Chairman, chhe men!"
"Post of Chairman, isn't that the highest office?"
"Yes men, now dat I am retired, I have all de time in de world to dedicate myself to de upkeep of my buildling… my family has lived dere for tirty years, I know de insides
and outsides."
"So it's all sounding rosy, what's the problem?"
"Arre wot rosy men, all roses have torns. And all dose torns live in Popatlal Coop Housing Society!"
"Want to please explain?"
"Dere are dese two demons men, residents Champaklal Dossa and Jeevan Jyoti Gaur. Dey want to 'take over' de building. Dey are trying every vicious trick to undermine me men.
Dese 'haramis' are attacking me on Twitter men. Dossa's son, real 'namoona' called Rocky, goes by de name 'Proud Desi' on Twitter, is saying all nasty tings men for de world to read—he posted today, dat I 'kabjaoed' money from de sinking fund! It's amazing how quickly, everyting turns to hate. My 'padosi' men, Ratnakar Ramsay, bleddy meets me in de lift and says 'Eh maka pao, go back to your country". Wot to tell de fool, dat I hail from blinking Bassein only, my parents are East Indian men."
"Sorry to hear all this Theo."
"Dere's more. You know dat Kejriwal chappie in Delhi, who gave away freebies to get votes... Wot is wrong? It's a nice gesture, right? So, when I retired from my cable company, dey had limited 'dosh' to give me for my pension and udder benefits, dey gave me some free digital set top boxes instead."
"This story has a point yes, Lobo Lobo?"
"I gave away all dese set-top boxes to de residents, free, men. My opponents are saying on social media dat dis 'Gaddaar' stole from his ex company and is distributing to de tenants to 'buy' votes… oooof... wot wot tings peepul are saying about me, insulting my Myrtle and my daughter Cinderella."
Lobo Lobo went silent, clearly out of his depth. Then he said, wistfully.
"Dere is so much anger in peepul…wot happened to dat earlier, sense of bonhomie, men Dikuna...we've become so rude, easily offended, so touchy... our first response to anyting is negative, hatred is de ting, chhe!"
"Anyway, Lobo Lobo, a belated Happy V Day."
"I tink V Day stands for Vicious Day, Dikuna men!," Lobo Lobo concluded.
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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