Lobo Lobo Jackson

Published: Sep 01, 2019, 07:00 IST | Rahul da Cunha

My heart sank at the thought of Lobo Lobo, dressed like Michael Jackson, suggesting to the BMC and the citizens of Mumbay, how to navigate potholes

llustration/Uday Mohite
llustration/Uday Mohite

Guide

And so, on Friday, August 29 to be specific, Lobo Lobo came over. When I opened the door he seemed definitely taller from the last time we met.

"Have you gained height, Lobo Lobo?" I asked perplexed.

"No Dikuna men, same to same."

Looking down to try and understand this phenomenon, I noticed that Lobo was standing on his toes. 'What's with the ballet dancer routine?" I asked.

"Mr Rahul, today is Michael Jackson's birth anniversary. This is his signature pose, men". I then took a proper look at Thelonious Lobo. He was indeed dressed like The King of Pop—complete with dark glasses, black hat, snazzy jacket and single white glove.

"Where did you get this garb from? Don't tell me you spent lakhs when MJ's clothes were auctioned?"

"No no men. Who has dat kind of money men!"

"Okay, then in 1996, you went to his dressing room when he played in the MMRDA Grounds and stole from there?"

Lobo reassured me that he hadn't. "No men, I'm not a tief". Then added sheepishly, "Part of dis costume I procured from Maganlal Dresswalla! And de jacket and white gloves are from de Maitre'd at White Waves, a Conti restaurant at Vashi. I know de band leader, Melvin and De Fiery UFOs, he's from our side only men..."

And then, Thelonious Lobo proceeded to turn around and glide into my house backwards.

"Theo, tell me please, what's with the MJ obsession, apart from the fact that today would have been his 61st birthday..."

"You see Dikuna men, I have a plan."

"A plan, what kind of plan?" I asked nervously.

"A plan dat I want to suggest to de BMC!"

"Lobo Lobo, I'm fully confused. What can the Bombay Municipal Corporation possibly have to do with Michael Jackson?"

The cable man smiled, and in a cryptic tone whispered, "De Moonwalk men."

"Explain."

"You see men! Our roads are like de craters on de Moon, correct? So I have a plan, which I want to put into action. I want to help de BMC to create a manual whereby citizens can handle our bad roads."

My heart sank at the thought of Lobo Lobo, dressed like Michael Jackson, suggesting to the BMC and the citizens of Mumbay, how to navigate potholes.

Lobo Lobo then began to list for me the various moves:
"One example Dikuna men is called de Manhole Sway. See men, when you see an open manhole, you stand still, focus and you sway, left to right and den flip over. Similarly, dere is de Crater Side step, the Crevice Bend, and finally a move dat I want to patent—as de Pothole Anti-gravity Lean!"

"Finally, Lobo Lobo do you have an MJ manoeuvre where citizens can glide over the floods during the monsoon?"

"No men. Only He would have been able to do that."

"He, Lobo Lobo… who's He..?"

"Jesus Christ, our Lord," Lobo Lobo said reverentially. "Dat reminds me, I need to catch the noon Mass, ciao men."

And off Lobo Lobo went, Moonwalking.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com

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