'My partner does not communicate his fears'
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than a year. He was very nice to me initially, and we used to chat a lot about all kinds of things. He doesn't talk much anymore though. At first, he was always worried that I would leave him. Now, he gets angry often and doesn't say anything. I have tried to get him to understand that I am not going to leave him, but he doesn't seem to get it. How do I get him to change his mind and eliminate that fear? I would like him to be the person he was when we first began this relationship.
— Khushi M
People change over time, of course, and a relationship goes through stages. Your boyfriend has been insecure about this for a while now, and the fact that he continues to be even a year later is worrying because it signifies a breakdown in communication. If he doesn't speak to you, he needs to understand that the chances of this failing are a lot higher. The anger comes from somewhere else and may or may not have anything to do with you. He does need to address it though, because assuming you will stand by him no matter what is unfair to you as well. I suggest you give him an ultimatum, to try and resolve this or deal with the very real possibility of this relationship ending. If that doesn't convince him to try harder to make this work, there is obviously something else compelling him to behave in this manner. Try asking family or friends to speak to him too, because he may open up to someone else and give you some insights into why he has changed so drastically. If the ultimatum sounds harsh to you, the only other alternative is to keep your lines of communication open and reiterate how you feel, in the hope that he gets the message. Do keep in mind that this depends entirely upon your patience.
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