Should I have forgiven my tattle-tale friend?

Updated: May 09, 2020, 06:18 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I confronted her and she apologised, but I keep thinking about how petty it was

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picOne of my closest friends recently went and told my boyfriend something about my past that I had never mentioned to him before. I had very good reasons for withholding this information, and my friend knew this, but she told him anyway because she was angry with me about something else. I confronted her and she apologised, but I keep thinking about how petty it was. She could have ended my relationship. My boyfriend wasn't angry, luckily, but I don't know if a genuine friend would have acted in this way. Am I wrong to have forgiven her?

Forgiveness is a powerful thing and should be given when you are ready. If this is a close friend, why not talk about why she did what she did? We do all kinds of petty things when we are upset, but it is important to try and see the larger picture. Your boyfriend doesn't seem to have reacted the way you expected him to, which means there was no real harm done. Think about whether you want to judge your friend on the basis of this alone. Also, think about what you gain by withdrawing your forgiveness. The past is done with, so I suggest you look at the implications of your actions for the future.

A male friend wants to discuss his sexual fantasies with me, because we have been friends for a long time, and is very comfortable with me. I find this awkward because he has a girlfriend, and I think he should be having this conversation with her. How do I tell him this without sounding like a prude?

Why does this make you a prude? If he has fantasies he can't discuss with his girlfriend, you can always ask him why he feels the need to discuss them with you. Anything that makes you awkward or uncomfortable should be called out, and this should be easier to do with a friend than anyone else.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com

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