Don't boil the ocean

Do some blue-sky thinking in a red ocean instead. confused? Check out unsuck-it.com, the website that promises to demystify corporate speak. Plus, is jargon necessary in the workplace? We ask a corporate coach to field that one

Picture this: It's the first week at your new job. You're sharply dressed, you're on time, and you've done your homework.
u00a0
You feel great. Your time of reckoning has finally arrived. This is the job opportunity you've waited for all your life.



Scene change: Your boss walks past, dumps a massive file in your outstretched hand that was poised to shake his, and mutters, "We can't boil the ocean, so let's start by bucketising the deliverables and picking the low-hanging fruit. We need to get this to the client by COB in IRL.

"You vigorously nod your head in agreement. And a few moments later say to yourself, 'WTF! What did he mean by that?'

Sounds familiar? Worry not, just log on to unsuck-it.com, the website that comes with the guarantee to translate "do*chy business jargon" into everyday language.

You can browse through a neatly categorised list or type in your query in the search bar, and if you're not the sort to get fazed by the heavy use of expletives, you might find the website useful.

The list is by no means exhaustive, but the site is frequently updated, and there is a lot for the corporate newbie to chomp on.

Here's our pick of the most interesting business jargon, with their meanings and word usage (And yes, you're welcome!):

Blue Ocean
Usage: We need a blue ocean strategy; there are too many sharks in these waters.
Unsu*d: New, untouched market

Boil the Ocean
Usage: Can you please stop boiling the ocean and nail this?
Unsu*ked: Waste time

Bucketise
Usage: We can't boil the ocean, so let's start by bucketising the deliverables.
Unsu*ked: Categorise

Burning Platform
Usage: Management had long wanted to outsource the call centre to India, but the need to cut staff during the recession created a burning platform that forced them to finally do it.
Unsu*ked: A manufactured situation that creates a sense of urgency

Cross-pollinate
Usage: As each member of the region has certain products and services that can benefit the other members, we can effectively cross-pollinate best in class products and services across the region.
Unsu*ked: Share ideas

Open the Kimono
Usage: There is a lot of confusion about how this new product is going to affect business, so it's time to open the kimono and make it clear where things are going to fit.
Unsu*ked: Reveal

Greenwashing
Usage: Greenwashing indicates that progress has been made in recent years about environmental standards.
Unsu*ked: Superficially eco-friendly. Disingenuous marketing ploys to make a company seem more ecologically aware than it is

Dog and Pony Show
Usage: The salesman was putting on a dog and pony show.
Unsu*ked: Elaborate or
contrived presentation

Get Our Ducks in a Row
Usage: We've got to get our ducks in a row on the Dillinger account.
Unsu*ked: Organise / prepare

Long Pole in the Tent
Usage: On the BFG2000 release 4.0, the long pole in the tent is testing all the upgrade paths.
Unsu*ked: The most difficult task. The hard part, ahem

Powwow / Skull Session
Usage: Let's have a powwow/skull session about this first thing tomorrow.
Unsu*ked: Meeting

Rainmaker
Usage: The company tried to meet many of the rainmaker's demands, because they cannot afford to lose him.
Unsu*ked: An employee that makes the company a lot of money

For more business jargon, log on to unsuck-it.com or twitter.com/unsuckit

Corporate Jargon: Not a good bargain?
The point of communication is to get your message across.

When you heavily use corporate jargon, you might be able to create an awe-inspiring image of yourself, but you are indulging in only surface-level communication.

It is superficial talk. I agree that you might have to resort to it if you are meeting someone for the first time and want to impress him or her. But if you are focusing on the end result, forget it.

When you are talking to a subordinate and delegating responsibilities, clarity, simplicity and precision are most important. It has been scientifically proven that a vocabulary of 600 words is all a human needs to communicate.

There are several instances of major goof-ups because bosses were fond of using jargon. Use jargon for corporate situations that have no common synonyms else, make the world a simpler place.u00a0

Dr Shailesh Thaker, Corporate coach and HR guru