I am an introvert and don't warm up to new people too easily
Dear Diana,
I am an introvert and don't warm up to new people too easily. It also takes me a long time to warm up to the people I do know. In my boyfriend's case, however, it was love at first sight for both of us. Thing is, while my parents are keen to see us married, his family doesn't really think the world of me. I could put it down to us not having had a proper introduction butu00a0 I'd be kidding myself.
I did meet all of them a couple of times and have attended a few of their family functions (even though I felt unwanted and completely out of place there) and it appears, my boyfriend says, that the general consensus is that I'm a rude person who they don't think they could get along with. I'm not rude, just an introvert. There's a difference and I wish I could make them understand that!
Tanu
Dear Tanu,
So you're shy and not very social. I don't see that as an impediment unless you intend to bond with someone who's the complete opposite. And while you may get along fabulously with your guy, it doesn't mean his family will automatically warm up to you. If it means that much to you, go out of your way and try to mix with them and see how it goes.
Maybe the change will be good for you? Of course, I do understand that you have tried your best and that they still feel it isn't good enough. And if they do find you rude, it can't be helped. They're free to have an opinion of you just as you're free to have an opinion of them. If your guy really loves you and wants to be with you come what may, they will have to learn to deal with it and find it in their hearts and minds to understand where you're coming from.
Because I have no girlfriend, they call me gay!
Dear Diana,
I'm 17 and don't have a girlfriend. All my friends call me gay. I'm attracted to and am aroused by women, not by men. I'm not gay. How do I get them to stop? I feel I'm worthless because I have no girlfriend!
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
Nobody can make you feel worthless or cheap but yourself. And gay people are not worthless or cheap. They just happen to be attracted to people of the same gender. Ignore your so-called friends. Their opinions do not matter. In time, they will get fed up and stop.
She's getting too close for comfort...
Dear Diana,
There is this girl I know for several years now. We have been through a lot together and I am thankful for her presence in all those trying times in my life. However, I consider as nothing more than a good friend. Of late, however, I have seen that she is coming on to me and is throwing unmistakable hints my way. She gets touchy-feely and has even tried to kiss me on the lips. I am not interested in her romantically and I would like her to know that. I wish there was a way to tell her that without hurting her feelings.
Kartik
Dear Kartik,
Unless you tell someone to back off, they won't. And in extreme cases, they won't even if you do. What I am trying to say is: you have to be innovative. Some people understand when the objects of their affection do not respond in kind and cut their losses and move on, some do not.
I guess the easiest way out would be to introduce this friend of yours to your "girlfriend" (your actual girlfriend or you could get someone to pretend) and make her believe her efforts will be in vain. This way, she will back off if she gets the point and if she does not, well I guess you might have to hurt her feelings and tell her how it isu00a0-- no two ways about it!
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