Diana will solve it! Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012
Dear Diana,
I am a 16-year-old good looking girl. I gotattracted towards a boy and he too liked me and we started flirting through SMS and chat. But we were never in a relationship. I suddenly felt that I was no longer attracted towards him. This happened mainly because of my interest in some other good looking boy and when he too started flirting with me I completely forgot about the first boy, but he kept messaging me the same love SMSes and now I really feel guilty and bitchy. I don't know what to do. Please help.
Lara
Dear Lara,
It's never easy to end a relationship no matter what stage of intimacy it was into. You say it wasn't a relationship but when you are flirting with a guy and sending him come-hither messages then, I'd say you've crossed into the relationship zone. Even though there were no commitments or promises of love, you guys shared something. Fact is you were attracted to him and you send him that message. Now that you are not into him, you have to make that clear to him as well. Or he will keep pursuing you thinking something is wrong and he can fix it. Might be cruel to tell him you've found someone else while you were still flirting with him, so just tell him that it's not working for you anymore and that you no longer welcome 'lover-dovey' messages from him. If he still pursues you, then you can tell him that you like someone else. Also, it might be a good idea to change your mobile number. Don't feel guilty or bitchy. At your age, infatuations will keep happening. But I'd advise you to be careful about the kind of SMSes you send out from your phone. You don't want to ruin your reputation. You never know who the guy is showing the messages to. It's better to be safe than sorry, don't you think?
To wait or not to, that is the question
Dear Diana,
My boyfriend and I want to get married. But he has to first settle down financially as he is studying and also has to clear his family debts which will take about six to seven years. Also he is afraid that his parents might not accept me and he does not want to lose them. At the same time, he does not want to lose me. But the problem is that I have to get married before my brother and my family has given me two years time. So, I can't delay my marriage. Also we can't stay without each other.
Sonu
Dear Chintan,
Lets break this down and solve it step by step. What's the biggest problem? His parents? If he's serious about you, tell him he has two months to break the news to them. Tell him you cannot wait endlessly. You can wait for two years once they accept you. As for him not being able to marry till he pays off the debts, I don't see the problem. If the wedding expenses is the problem, have a court marriage and a small, private reception. And after the marriage, you can also take up a job and help settle the loan faster.Just be sure that he's not making all these excuses because he doesn't want to marry you. Consider that possibility.
We're star-crossed online lovers
Dear Diana,
I am a 24-year-old Muslim girl. I met a 22-year-old Christian guy online. He is doing his M Com and working as well. We hit it off well as friends initially and then fell in love. We have seen each other's photographs. We talk to and text each other everyday. Our bonding is very strong. We have planned a lot for our future. We want to marry. My parents have found a match for me and are keen on me getting married soon. My boyfriend is very loving and sensitive. He won't be able to tolerate it if I leave him. I love him a lot. I don't know what to do. Should I let go of him or kill my parents' hopes?
Ruksar
Dear Ruksar,
I would not advise you to walk into a marriage with a guy, you've never met and have only seen his photograph. How do you even know he's given you his own photograph and the right identity? Marriage is a big decision and you have to know the guy very well before you decide to spend the rest of your life with him. Also, in your case you are both from different religions. Getting married to someone from a different religion will call for a lot of adjustments from both of you. It will be more difficult if your families object to this marriage. Have you thought this through? From the food you eat to the deity you pray to, there is a lot to think about. So I'd say that your little online romance is a little dicey.
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