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He says he loves me, but he lied about everything else...

Updated on: 08 November,2010 08:15 AM IST  | 
Diana |

I am 27 years old and I have been in a relationship with a 32 year old guy for the past two years. We got engaged recently and are planning to get married early next year

He says he loves me, but he lied about everything else...

Dear Diana,
I am 27 years old and I have been in a relationship with a 32 year old guy for the past two years. We got engaged recently and are planning to get married early next year. About two to three weeks before his parents came to meet mine, he confessed that he had lied to me.

He was not an engineer with an MBA as he had told me when we were dating. In fact, he had not even completed his engineering course. My parents are very particular about education and I don't know if I should tell them this. He had his own business which did not do very well so he is looking for a job now with fake certificates. I love him a lot and have never felt this way for any other guy.

He claims that even his parents do not know about this. He is in madly love with me too, he does everything possible to keep me happy. I earn a decent pay but what will happen to his career? I just cannot let him go for this reason but at the same time I am scared about our future. I also do not like the fact that I have to lie to my parents about this.

Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,
This man is 32, doesn't have a steady job and is looking for one with fake certificates. I am sorry but he has CON MAN written all over him. He has known you for two years, he could've come clean at least before the engagement. But you find out now after the wedding date is fixed.

Why aren't alarm bells ringing in your head? He is probably claiming to be in love with you, because he knows you earn well and can support him. Having romantic ideas is great but you cannot marry a man, who lives off you.

Obviously he does everything to make you happyu00a0-- you are his golden goose. Make it very clear to him that the wedding is not going to happen unless he gets a job and holds on to it for a few months.

Also tell him that your salary will go straight to your parents, as you need to support them. In the meantime, share what you've learned about him with your parents. Also, do a background check on him. You might be surprised by what you find out.

I don't like the gift my wife gave me...

Dear Diana,
My wife bought me an expensive gift which is not to my taste. I would really like to exchange it for something which I can use. How can I explain this to her without hurting her?

Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,

There seems to be a communication gap between you and her. She should have known you will not appreciate an expensive gift. And you should be able to tell her you want to exchange it, without worrying about it. Start communicating. Start by telling her. Be straight with each other.u00a0

Stuck with an abusive husband...

Dear Diana,
I am 33 years old and married for the past three years. My husband deigns to have sex with me only once in three months. He also doesn't want a baby. He tells me I am ugly, which I know is not true. He is always out of the house, refuses to talk to me and shouts at me when I call him.

I am quite sure he is having an affair. We are not very well-to-do. We stay in a one-room-kitchen flat. I am a dietician by training but he does not allow me to work. I am frustrated.

Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,
Do you want to be in a marriage like this? What are you getting out of it? You want children, he won't let you have them. He won't have sex with you, and he won't let you work. You put up with that, but he still humiliates you. He is being cruel. Firstly consult a good lawyer, a social worker and talk to her about your problem.

And if you don't see things changing, leave. If you stay with him, he will destroy your self-confidence and esteem. You are an educated womanu00a0-- you can get a job and do well for yourself. Doesn't matter how big or small the house is, if it is not a happy place, there is no point staying there.




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