He used to be the man I loved. Where is he now?

Illustration/ sameer pawar

Dear Diana,

I am a 30-year-old married woman settled overseas with my husband and child. I married the man I loved. But after marriage, life has changed. He says that he was forced to marry me and does not treat me well. At times, he is very abusive verbally and physically and blames me for getting him angry all the time.

Whenever he is angry, he asks me to leave the house and divorce him. But when he cools down he says that he did not mean whatever he said. I try my level best to make him happy. I recently lost a lot of weight and try to remain fit and active so that he has no complaints.

Our sex life is not great as well. We almost fight every night.u00a0 I have an excellent job with a very high salary. I'm sure he does not have anyone else in his life. I do not want to leave him for my child's sake. But at times, I've thought of just walking out.u00a0 I'm totally confused and don't know what to do.
u00a0
Anonymous

Dear Friend,

When you're fighting, people tend to say the most hurtful things to each other. While they may not always mean what they say, it shows that they are thinking about it at the subconscious level. Considering that he has been this way for the longest time, and that you have tried your level best to be a good spouse, and that he hasn't reciprocated, is proof enough that he doesn't want to change.

You're independent and earn well so you ought to be treated as an equal and not as a subordinate (even otherwise). The only reason you're even putting up with this is because you once loved this man and because you don't want to scar the kids with a separation or a divorce. But how is this helping you? Would you rather suffer in silence and lose your mental peace because you want to be the sane one (ironically) here?

I think she's lying...

Dear Diana,

I am 21, she is 18. We've been in a relationship for three months now. She's very decent and I'm deeply in love with her. Since the very first day, it's been a very confused relationship.

She doesn't study or attend classes and stays at home most of the time. Also, she can't contact me when she's at home because of her mom. I love her very much so I don't want to create any problem for her.

That's why I don't call her at home. A few days later, she called. I asked her if she had any problem with me; she said no.

Then again, when she didn't call for 10 days, she sent a reply saying that her mom doubts her so she can't call regularly. I want to find out what's the real reason is.

She reads the paper regularly and I hope she reads this and tells me her problem as it is.

Lokesh

Dear Lokesh,

Maybe her mother is actually that overbearing. Allow her the benefit of doubt. Maybe she is telling the truth. Not everyone may have as understanding parents as yours.

There may be several reasons why she doesn't study or attend classes. If you don't want to create problems for her, simply figure out why her mother has placed her under house arrest.

She may not have a problem being with you, per se. It could simply be that she just can't. Unless you meet her mother somewhere and figure out how she actually is as a person, you won't know what her problems are.

And this girl, whoever she is, needs to come clean in person and tell her guy why she's behaving the way she is.

Do oral sex and French kissing give you HIV?

Dear Diana,

I am married but am having extra-marital affairs with three girls. I've just had oral sex. Does French-kissing several women lead to a HIV+ infection?