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Love marriage failed, but the wife won't leave me...

Updated on: 13 July,2009 11:00 AM IST  | 
Diana |

I am 29, married but separated and childless. It was a love marriage. After two years of marriage, I found her to be a selfish wife.

Love marriage failed, but the wife won't leave me...

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Love marriage failed, but the wife won't leave me...

Dear Diana,
I am 29, married but separated and childless. It was a love marriage. After two years of marriage, I found her to be a selfish wife. At times, she'd insult my parents and even compel me to eat out (by not cooking). On my part, I tried to keep the relationship going. I wanted a child but she aborted without even asking me.

Meanwhile, I lost my job three years back and she'd keep taunting me. Now I feel she never cared for me and was with me for money only. To save up, I traveled in trains but she insisted on flying. Now we live separately and I want a divorce but she's denying me one. Now it's come to a point that I truly hate her and don't want to live with her. We went in for counseling but it has all been in vain. I have a new woman in my life and everybody in the family loves her. I've found her really mature, understanding and caring. Her parents are not in favour of our marriage but she truly loves and wants to marry me. What should I do? I desperately want a divorce from my wife so I can marry the new woman in my life.

Bharat

Dear Bharat,
On what grounds is she denying you a divorce? Seek legal counsel on what your further course of action should be. It really makes no sense to go on with a sham that should've ended much earlier. I understand that you're going through tough times financially, but you'll have to put up with much more if you do not end this relationship soon. Try for a job (if you haven't got one yet) and save up to fight your case in a court of law. You tried to salvage the marriage. You did your bit. You deserve someone better.u00a0 Don't think too much and put your plans into action. If you don't get a divorce soon enough, you'll not be able to wed the woman you love, remember that!

Not what I had signed up for!

Dear Diana,
We've been married two months and she's still shy around me. We went on a honeymoon, but did nothing 'honeymoonish'. She says she isn't comfortable as it would be her first time and would want it to be special. My only question is, how long do I have to wait? This isn't what I signed up for!


Kris

Dear Kris,
Well, for starters, do what's easiest. Work on making her feel comfortable. If this is an arranged marriage (which I suspect it is), it's but natural that she's scared and has certain presumptions on what a consummation of a marriage should entail. How long would you have to wait? As long as it takes, if you want her first time (and yours?) to be special too.

She says she is being practical!

Dear Diana,
Thanx for your reply ('She's done a U-turn, now says I'm not worth her!'; July 10). But we were quite close to being married before she made all those claims. She's now saying that we should be friends only. For obvious reasons, I cannot agree to that. Ironically, my family was against the said marriage and she was always by my side. I know she loves me but is hiding that by saying that she is practical and not emotional. Now what?



Ninad

Dear Ninad,
How can she be practical if she believes in horoscopes? She is being emotional but for reasons that are unclear at the moment. In stead of working on what can be done to salvage the relationship, she has already given in to the possibility that it won't work out between the two of you. Something obviously went wrong at her end. Why don't you figure out what that is?

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