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Loved her then, love her now. Tell her?

Updated on: 13 May,2010 10:07 AM IST  | 
Diana |

During 1990-1998, I was studying in Mumbai

Loved her then, love her now. Tell her?

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Dear Diana,








I got married couple of years back. Lately, I have started missing my ex-girlfriend very much and have even started having fantasies about her. I want to tell my ex-girlfriend that I still love her. Will this create a problem between me and my ex? I do not want to lose her again; I have already lost her once. In those seven years we were together, we never had a single fight which we are still proud of. I do not want her to stop talking to me and if she does, I know I will lose her forever. But at the same time, I want to share my feelings with her.

Raaz



Dear Raaz,

You were together seven years without a fight and separated because your parents decided you weren't ready for marriage. Of course, that you could have proved them wrong by simply getting a job ASAP, rather than do something childish. For the sake of your parents, you let go of the love of your life. Someone you'd never be able to forget.

She's keeping in touch purely because you two once shared a connection -- a connection she'd like to keep alive at its barest minimum. She's married and so are you. What happened is in the past. Let it remain there. Of course, you can tell her that you will continue loving her from the bottom of your heart.

There's nothing wrong with that. But is telling her that you fantasise about her going to make a difference if she's happy the way things are? If you're dreaming that she'll get caught by the romance of it all and get swept up into your arms, that's just a pipe dream. Especially if she's happily married. It's completely natural for her to understand that her ex still has feelings for her, but it's imperative she's sure that he won't act on those feelings unless she's comfortable with it.

How big an age difference is okay?

Dear Diana,

I am 35 years old and work abroad. I plan to marry sometime this year. The girl should be aged 25 to 29.u00a0 How far an age gap will be considered a generation gap (and therefore deem her unsuitable).u00a0 I desire that my would-be wife and I share a good understanding. I personally feel a big age difference isn't working to my advantage.

Suresh

Dear Suresh,

It's all in the mind, really. You can get along with someone only if you want to. Agreed, the younger she is, the two of you are going to be far less compatible. But that shouldn't come in the way of the two of you doing just fine if you work at it. No successful marriage can be put down to being a perfect match. One has to work at making it perfect. At making it work. Being committed doesn't come easy to most people. Understanding between you and a prospective bride can only come, once the two of you get to know each other.

Hubby shows me no love

Dear Diana,

I am 29 and have been married three years. I am fed up of my life. My husband doesn't have sex with me. He has not touched me since we got married. Also, my mom-in-law is a liar and because of her, my husband screams at me.

He's too stingy, isn't sincere at work and whiles away his time flirting with girls. Now he's got serious about work, but because of that he avoids me. He had a serious relationship with a girl for nine years. I feel he hasn't gotten over her. What should I do?

Name withheld

Dear Friend,

You put up with this for three years? Don't you have any spine left? If a thankless, loveless marriage is your idea of a life, you seriously need to begin thinking about a new one. You haven't just married this guy because your folks told you to, it was also because you desired to have a companion; someone you could share your joys and sorrows with. Not a wastrel, philanderer, momma's boy and a lovelorn fool. You seriously need to consider that it is probably in your best interests to let go of this marriage. It holds no sense of fulfillment, no satisfaction. Do what's best for you.

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