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My disastrous past won't allow me to get close to him

Updated on: 28 May,2009 08:56 AM IST  | 
Diana |

My disastrous past won't allow me to get close to him

My disastrous past won't allow me to get close to him

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My disastrous past won't allow me to get close to him

Dear Diana,
I work in this amazing office and there is this guy I am quite good friends with. The point is that I think I've fallen for this guy and I don't know what to do! I feel that my calling is never to get married, since I've never really found anyone, and my past relationships have all been disastrous! Also, I feel he's okay with a fling, but I feel guilty because my previous boy-friend raped me and I feel used. I don't know what to do. To top that, I have to see this dude everyday! I don't want to hurt myself and him! Please give me some good advice!

Illustration/ Satish Acharya

Kimberly G

Dear Kimberly,
You can't punish yourself for something that was out of your control. Why didn't you report this ex-boyfriend? And if you are feeling used, shouldn't you make sure that he doesn't do it to anyone else? And if you're okay with a fling, what seems to be the problem here? What's to feel guilty about? The next guy in your life? You won't be hurting him.

I don't want her to be friends with my boyfriend!

Dear Diana,
Me, my boyfriend and a friend had a big fight when I discovered that she has a crush on my boyfriend. I checked their messages and she said that she likes him. I asked her many times to treat my boyfriend brotherly-like, but to no avail. My boyfriend insists that they can be friends and wants to convince me. But I don't want them to be friends. I want to clear up things but she is not recieving my calls. I am all messed up. What should I do?


Name withheld on request

Dear Friend,
You can't be possessive and insecure like this. If nothing else, it will drive your boyfriend away when you dictate to him who he can or cannot talk to. He is not foolish. If he wants to be friends with this girl or choose to dump you for her, he'll do that regardless, even more so, if you try to drive her away. Don't read too much into their friendship if he has promised to be committed to you. You can raise hell if he breaks that promise. Until then, have some faith in him.

What if it happened to me?

Dear Diana,
I have a peculiar problem. Which is this: if I see a movie or a case study on TVu00a0 or hear something negative, I make a connect with my own family and life and make myself miserable thinking that it could happen to my own family and I feel horrible about it. What should I do.
u00a0
Pooja

Dear Pooja,
Real life is stranger than fiction, which in itself is drawn from shared real-life experiences. As such, if the subject matter is powerful and its effect thereof, universal, one would make an immediate connection with one's own life. Of course, there's nothing supernatural at work here, nor will everything you see on screen repeat itself in your own life. That's an assumption that's childish, at best.



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