My temper tantrums = relationship khatam!

u00a0

I couldn't believe that I handled a fight that way. The next day my girlfriend (now ex-girlfriend)u00a0 and I talked about our relationship. We have been together for a while now. We even had plans to get married at some point in the future. She told me that my anger has ruined our relationship and that I need to get myself together.



But she told me that she would come back to me and that she loves me. But I'm going to have to fix this mess. I love her and I want to fix this but I don't know what to do. We are pretty much over if I can't figure out a way to fix the problem.

My problem is that I need to fix our relationship. Work on my temper and learn to be a better boyfriend. But frankly I don't know how to do these things. I'm afraid that I can't do it. And she won't offer advice for me. She says this is my problem and I need to man up and do something about it. Anyone know what I should do???

AS
Dear AS,
You clearly state that anger has ruined your relationship. You only have yourself to blame for the mess you find in. The only way out of your problem and reconnecting with your ex-girlfriend is to control your temper.

Have you heard of anger management? It refers to therapeutic techniques by which someone with excessive anger can reduce the effects of an angered emotional state. One technique is finding agreement with another person, rather than conflict.

So avoid going on the offensive every time. Practise deep breathing and meditation techniques to relax. Try to put yourself in the other person's position empathy can go a long way in helping you out of your situation. Also learn forgiveness and change the way you speak.

There is no point hollering about everything. Follow the above methods and you will find that things will change for the better in your relationship. The next time you hit the roof, try to stay calm. This is the only way you can save your relationship.

Friend or lover? Who to choose?

Dear Diana,
My best friend thinks the guy I have been going around with for six months is just not right for me. She keepsu00a0 telling me to see hm for who he is and not through rose-tinted glasses.

A good-for-nothing is how she describes him. We have had squabbles over this and now I am losing my patience. Best buddy or lover? Who should I choose?

Rashmi
Dear Rashmi,
There must be a reason why your pal is telling you all this. May be she is a good judge of people. She wants the best for you, so she is telling you to tread cautiously in your relationship.

Instead of having fights with her, sit down and discuss what makes her think likewise. Then ponder over what she has told you and how your guy behaves.

Maybe then you will know whether you buddy is right or not. Eventually, go for what makes you happy.

My ex is making nasty comments about me

Dear Diana,
My guy and I decided to call off our relationship after a year.

It was a mutual decison as we realised we were heading nowhere. But now my ex and his family are passing rude remarks about me. Through common friends they have been saying nasty things about me.

I feel this is not fair as our break-up was mutual. He has no right to talk like this. Should I ignore his comments or react to them?

VN
Dear VN,
The guy is a loser and can't take the fact that he is no longer with you. Remember he is your 'ex' now, so you don't even have to bother to keep tabs on what he does.

Obviously it has been a case of sour grapes for him. He is unable to let go and so is saying nasty things about you.

I suggest you give him the royal ignore. He is behaving in this fashion just so that you react.

For a while he may continue with his comment passing phase, but when he realises there is no reaction from your end, he will stop. Thank goodness you parted from him!

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