Time well spent: With us or with his family?

Dear Diana,
I have been married eight years. My husband works abroad and comes down once a year for the holidays. I have 2 kids aged five. When he comes down, he also spends some time with his parents. I've told him that since the kids are growing, he is supposed to spend more time with them, but he says that his parents and grandparents are getting old and he has to be with them. Whenever he has to sit with me, he discusses all irrelevant things and when I tell him to speak about us then he say that he is stressed out. I have to push him to make love to me, but pretend that he has taken the initiative. I don't know whether there is anybody in his life; he denies it. He remembers all our birthdays and anniversaries, but has never given us quality time. I am really very tired with this sort of life and I want to draw a line somewhere.
RB
Dear Friend,
Making a long-distance marriage work requires incredible patience and perseverance. I understand your need to have your husband all to yourself and your kids, but you have to understand that he also belongs to his parents as well and that they too expect to spend some time with him. They will be gone in a few years and you will have him all to yourself, so let him cherish these moments he spends with them. What happens in the bedroom, though, is a totally different story. One sees a different perspective when a long-gone husband returns a frigid shadow of himself. Why he wouldn't want to be intimate with the woman he married, is puzzling. Is he seeing someone? Until you know for sure, don't make a big deal of it.

But we're poles apart!
Dear Diana,
I've been married five years yet hardly find my husband romantic. He's a very nice guy but he isn't romantic. I am the complete opposite. I am afraid that because of this difference in our natures, I might be attracted to someone else. I don't want to cheat him and I feel I will never be able to face myself if I do.
Ankita
Dear Ankita,
So let me get this straight. You've stayed married to this guy only because he's nice and because you couldn't dream of hurting his feelings? Why did you get married to him in the first place. We all have our temptations but in time, learn to overcome them. If you want to make your marriage work, you have to learn to adjust to certain ground realities and understand that things don't always work the way you want them to. It's difficult not to cheat when the chance presents itself, but you have to be strong.

Is it okay to be a horny old man?
Dear Diana,
I'm 52 years old and am married. I am unable to control my masturbation habit. On seeing the female breasts, I get totally out of control. I have also developed this crazy habit of collecting photos of women wearing a bra or a bikini. Are these unusual characteristics.I feel like masturbating daily butu00a0 control myself and do so only once or twice a week. Kindly advise me about masturbating at this age. Also, I feel the inclination to go to massage parlours where women 'service' men. Kindly advise.
Satish
Dear Satish,
Getting out of control definitely sounds scary. And besides, you do sound like you could do with a little cooling down, but getting 'serviced' to cool down? That's so not cool. A taboo is all in the mind. If you feel masturbation is bad, you automatically stop. If your brain makes you react a certain way when 'triggered', you're hardly to blame. What matters is that in stead of exploring options elsewhere, why not re-ignite the passion in your own marriage?