Diana will solve it! Write to Diana at diana@mid-day.com, or fax her on 24150009. You can also post letters to Dear Diana, Mid Day, Peninsula Centre, Dr S S Rao Road, opp Mahatma Gandhi Hospital, Parel, Mumbai 400012

Too many ex flames ruining my love for her

Dear Diana,
I am 29 and am in a relationship with a girl for the past eight months.

She is really sweet. We are serious about each other and have even discussed marriage as a distinct possibility. I know I am not her first boyfriend and she is not mine either.

This never bothered me till recently, when she threw a party to celebrate her birthday. All her ex-boyfriends came. I counted five before I lost count.

I don't know what to think about the number of them and about her inviting them. I don't like the fact that she is still friends with all of them.
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A few of them brought their girlfriends too, and she was cool with that. I know I shouldn't be so upset, but it really hurts me to see her bonding with them.

I don't want to be the kind of guy who tells his girl whom she can talk to and whom she cannot, but I don't want to hurt like this either.

Yug
Dear Yug,

It's good that you have realised what you feel could hurt her. Look at it this way at least she is honest about her past instead of being coy with you.
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It is even better that she is friends with her exes, who have even moved on in life. At least, now you don't have to worry about any ill-feeling from that side.

And you have ex-girlfriends too, so you should not really moan about her exes. You are 29 and should be mature enough to handle the scene.

I really think you need to trust your gal and the love you share. All that is in the past and what matters is the present and the future you can build together.
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Don't ruin a good thing with such thoughts. Of course, this is easier said than done.
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If it really hurts you, talk to her. Tell her that after all, she too would feel bad if you were so friendly with your exes and their new partners.

I am sure she will understand you and both of you will reach a compromise everyone can be happy with.

I am in love with my cousin

Dear Diana,
I have fallen for my cousin. Both of us love each other deeply. Right now no one knows about our relationship.

How do we break the news to our elders? We are scared but at the same time can't live without each other. What do we do?

SS
Dear SS,
Certain communities allow marriages between cousins, while some don't. It seems yours does not.
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If you are sure about your feelings for each other, try speaking to an elder in the family who you think can understand.
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Then let that family member explain it to the rest. It won't be easy but right communication can help and remember to tread with care.

She has dumped me

Dear Diana,
I thought it was love but have been badly betrayed. I got friendly with this girl last year. For about six months we were a twosome and hung out together.

We had a perfect rapport and were considered boyfriend/girlfriend. But since August, there has been a sea change in her behaviour.
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She has started avoiding me and behaves oddly. When I ask her what is the matter, she says nothing.

This is causing me a lot of frustration. A common friend tells me she has found someone else. Why is she doing this to me?

Rohit
Dear Rohit,
It is obvious that her affections are no longer with you, but she is finding it difficult to tell you that. And it is not surprising.

You say you got 'friendly' with this girl, that you had a 'rapport', but you never say you were in love with her.

Have you told her that? Have you asked her if she has really found someone else? Don't believe common friends, they may be well-meaning, but also sadly misinformed.

She may have fallen out of love with you even if there is no one else, or may be she cheated on you and is now feeling guilty.

She may have also heard that you have cheated on her and so now wants to avoid you. Talk to her. If she is not willing to discuss it, then take the hint and move on.