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Why do we fight over small things?

Updated on: 15 November,2021 07:08 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Dr Love | mailbag@mid-day.com

I know we love each other, and care about each other, and there is probably a part of her that expects me to ask for her hand, but I never get the sense of security I am looking for

Why do we fight over small things?

Illustration/Uday Mohite


I have been thinking of asking my girlfriend to marry me for over a year now but can’t bring myself to do it because we keep getting into arguments about the smallest things. I know we love each other, and care about each other, and there is probably a part of her that expects me to ask for her hand, but I never get the sense of security I am looking for. Whenever things are going great between us and I feel like it’s time to propose, some minor argument spirals out of control, and we end up not speaking for days at a time. I don’t know if this is normal for all relationships, but it’s something I take very seriously because I want to feel secure before I make up my mind about spending the rest of my life with her. How do I arrive at that sense of security?
It’s normal to feel as if you aren’t in a position of security after an argument. It’s also normal to have fights that make you question everything. The thing is, you may never get the sense of comfort you are looking for, and you will have to consider if your parameters aren’t flawed in some way. There are always other factors at play when two people decide they want to live together. Think about the pros for a change, and why you want to be with this person. Ask yourself if you are being honest with her about your plans or are even trying to gauge where she’s coming from. You assume she wants you to propose, but don’t talk about whether either of you have had this conversation. As two adults considering a life-changing decision, it is imperative that you tell her why you have the doubts you do and get a sense of how she looks at this relationship. It’s amazing how many issues can get resolved overnight by two people committed to making something work if they believe it is worth fighting for.


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