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Mind your language!

Updated on: 09 June,2019 07:00 AM IST  |  Mumbai
Rahul da Cunha |

Lobo Lobo was on his morning walk with his two neighbour buddies, Sadashiv Dhondurao Gawde (Dhondu) and S Sethuraman (Sethu), when a small, non metro-work related, explosion occurred

Mind your language!

llustration/Uday Mohite


Lobo Lobo was on his morning walk with his two neighbour buddies, Sadashiv Dhondurao Gawde (Dhondu) and S Sethuraman (Sethu), when a small, non metro-work related, explosion occurred.

"Waaaaat naaansense is this, aaay ask wokay… taatal bumkum it is, bumkum!?!", Sethu thundered.

"Kai pahije tula, Sethu bhau? You are always in khadoos mood. In the morning hours enjoy fresh air and song of Bulbuls na! Aaram karaa, aaram," Dhondu responded.

"Yeah men! Wot you are 'gussa' about all de time Sethu… just chill men!," Lobo said.

"It is aaal very well for you two to say that, da, but you would also be miffed, if something was forced down your throat, aiyyo!," Sethu said.

"Wot men you are being forced to do Sethu? Tell to me," Lobo asked perplexed.

"Haaan bhau Sethu, bola bola, problem saanga?" Dhondu chimed in.

"Arre, you two persons would not comprehend — these mad peepools are trying to make Hindi a compulsory language in our South Indian schools, do you realise, aiyyo!"

Dhondu always out to needle Sethu said poker faced, "So what is wrong in that Sethu, after all Hindi is our national bhasha, it should be part of our education." Sethuraman let out an explosion louder than most metro
work blasts.

"Anathaai Kalathaai (orphaned donkey), aare you aware of what you are saying? I yam a proud Tamil Brahmin and the wonly language we accept is Tamil saar…Hindi is not ouwar language, gaat it!?"

"But bruddder men, dey are not saying only Hindi is to be compulsory — dey are recommending any tree languages, apart from English and de regional language men!," Lobo Lobo said pacifyingly.

"So whyy it should be Hindi… whhyyy naaat, say Swahili or gibberish I say?"

"Arrey Sethu, you are just getting angry because the Hindi states are only learning two languages."

"You are correct Dhondu. Why they are learning Sanskrit? Tell me, I say? Is it of any use? If my niece Sudha has to learn Hindi in Chennai, then whyy not UP schools teach Tamil, I ask you?"

"You Southies always complaining," Dhondu continued with his needling, driving Sethu to the point of wrathful insanity.

"Rascala, Dhondu, what do you mean referring to us as Southies, aiiyyo, you are aware we are four different states? Just take ouwar building, aay yam fraam Chennai in Tamil Nadu, Naidu who resides on 6th flaar is fraam Hyderabad in Andhra, the noisy Hegdes from 7C hail fraam Karnataka and Pisharody, ouwar society secretary, was born in Trivandrum in Kerala. Gaat it? Four different regions of South!"

Lobo Lobo took a small diversion.

"Let me aks you, Dhondu, do you tink dey should be teaching Marathi in Mumbai schools?"

"Definitely, mee straight bolnar, every state should make language of that region compulsory — if you are living in that state you should know that local bhasha, simple!"

Ever the pacifier, Lobo Lobo said, "What about Goa men, with de influx of foreigners, dere will soon be tree languages taught in schools— Konkani, Marathi and…"

Lobo paused dramatically.

"And the third language… say say," Sethu and Dhondu asked in unision

"Russian, men!,' Lobo Lobo concluded.

Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahuldacunha62@gmail.com

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