Firecrackers have been banned in Mumbai, this Diwali, they say

Diwali one with the Obamas

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Diwali one with the Obamas

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When the Big "O" visits India, Secret Service personnel can't be checking around to see whether those innocuous-looking bombs are of the 1000-wala or the RDX kind.

The Obamas will arrive, trademark paparazzi smiles in place, and their own mineral water bottles perfectly iced (you can't have American Presidential stomachs bugged from trying out third world bottled water, now can you?) to charm the sanitised parts of India that they are allowed to see.u00a0

It speaks of Mumbai's might, that the Obamas first land there, rather than in the Capital. The first views of India he catches will be the trademark smog lines over Mumbai. As Air Force One comes in for a perfect landing on Runway One, (are there many more in Mumbai?) he will gawp over the stretch of Dharavi that shocks every non-Mumbaikar coming in to land. Hardly an auspicious welcome to the biggest democracy in the world.u00a0

Of course, there will be the mandatory lines of school children waving flags. And of course, there will be the mandatory photo ops as he ruffles a schoolkid's head and Photographer One clicks a picture that could make it on to the cover of Time. Chopper One then ferries him to the Taj Mahal Hotel. Fortunately, his Secret Service refrained from the temptation of taking Limo One through the streets of Mumbai. Imagine his black Cadillac enroute (on Route One) being dented by a black and yellow Bihari cabbie, who unapologetically strews paan juice all over the gleaming livery of the O.

The Obamas, they say, want to get the "real" flavour of India. Somehow, I don't think that includes travelling on a Mumbai train in peak traffic. At the Taj Mahal Hotel, where they're checking into, the chefs will be scrambling all over themselves to provide an "authentic" Indian meal to Suite One.u00a0

It is reasonable to conjecture that a trip to the other, poorer Taj Mahal has also been organised. Michelle has to sit on the same bench that Princess Di perched on, now doesn't she? One can only wonder whether it will be named Bench One for the duration of the shoot.

With all the hoopla Obama made about Indians stealing American jobs, why has a visit to a call centre not been arranged? Obs can take his officious smile and walk in (on American time) to see how our kids out there slog through the night, delivering solutions far more efficiently than an American ever could.u00a0
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As they fly into Delhi, the agenda includes many closed-door meetings with the Prime Minister.

Are they called One-on-Ones?