Indian cricketers need no lessons in sex

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Indian cricketers need no lessons in sex

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While Gary kirsten's 'sex' dossier has re-ignited the debate over whether it enhances sporting prowess, we can only imagine the leg pulling the Indian players will now be subjected to all over the world
Indian cricket guru Gary Kirsten's secret recipe to improve performance on the field via the kip, allegedly passed on to his chelas, has made front-page news in South Africa.

The author of the theory is purported to be Kirsten, whose exceptional first-class career saw him average 48.31 runs per innings with 46 centuries and 79 fifties.

The South African was always known for his laid back approach in his playing days. A Casanova obviously, lurked under that bluff exterior!

The coach's "top secret" dissertation is said to have found its way into the hands of the Hindustan Times, as India prepare to take on Pakistan at Centurion's SuperSport Park tomorrow.

Encouraging players to "go ahead and indulge", the document advocates being aggressive on the field, self-improvement and healthy eating. It re-iterates the belief that having sex increases testosterone levels, which "cause an increase in energy, aggression and competitiveness".

Conversely, it says, "not having sex for a period of a few months causes a significant drop in testosterone levels in both males and females, with the corresponding passiveness and decrease in aggression".

"If you want sex but do not have someone to share it with, one option is to go solo whilst imagining you have a partner, or a few partners, who are as beautiful as you wish to imagine. No pillow talk and no hugging required.

Just roll over and go to sleep."

In an ongoing debate on the issue, leading sportsmen all the world over have been known, for quite some time, to believe that pre-competition sex enhances sporting prowess. Others have taken the opposite tack.

Former boxing champion Joe Frazier is said to totally abstain from sex because abstinence made him "mean as hell", while others believed that "women weaken the legs," as expressed by Rocky's coach in the film of that name.

The sexual exploits of Wilt "the Stilt" Chamberlain have gone down in basketball lore, in manner similar to legendary baseball player Babe Ruth.

The authors of the elixir prescribed to the Indian cricketers are all South Africans: Kirsten and his assistant Paddy Upton who have drawn inspiration for their thesis from Tim Noakes, sports scientist from Cape Town.

While commending the reporter for his initiative in breaking the juicy story, KHALIDOSCOPE can well imagine the leg pulling the Indian players will now be subjected to, by players and fans, all over the world.

And, while it is nobody's business, except its own, one is not sure how the normally unobtrusive Indian Catholic church, with its uncompromising views on the subject, might view Kirsten's prescription panacea for success.

Re: fantasising about "beautiful women", the Indian lads need not stretch their imagination too far afield, given that our country has the pick of the crop.

Moreover, coming as they do from the land that bequeathed Vatsyayana's Kama Sutra to the world almost 20 centuries ago, Mahendra Singh Dhoni and his Chupa Rustom teammates need no lessons in sex. Ustaads on the subject, they can teach their coach and his assistant a trick or two!

Viewed in perspective, Kirsten and Upton were only carrying coals to Newcastle.

The Indian lads' performances on the field since they took the world by storm when winning the inaugural ICC World Twenty20 at Johannesburg in 2007 tell their own story.