Thinking about the act of eating as primarily nourishing has altered my relationship with nutrition and my body. This, coupled with daily high-intensity walks, has worked wonders for my mental well-being
Nowadays, I eat more lean meats and ensure that vegetables are always a side dish with every meal. Representational pic/iStock
It always feels a bit shocking to arrive at this moment, mid-May, and to realise that we’re already at the half-year mark. Where I live, we are transitioning from long to short-sleeved shirts and full-length trousers to shorts. My toddler did a little jig this morning when I told him he could wear sandals to daycare. ‘It’s almost summer,’ I informed him. He was excited because we can now inflate the little pool on my in-laws’ balcony to cool down in the afternoons. It is still promisingly fresh. I am mentally preparing for those few weeks in August when it will get oppressively hot. Meanwhile, I’m configuring my postpartum wardrobe.
I lost weight during both my pregnancies because of gestational diabetes. This time, it feels extreme because of the insulin therapy I needed to do to manage my blood sugar levels. The advantage was that I didn’t have to overly restrict my diet. If I wanted the alluring slice of cake, I could indulge, provided I took a shot of rapid insulin between five and 15 minutes before. Having this opportunity made me feel less deprived. I had to keep my blood sugar levels in check during my first pregnancy purely through my diet, which was fairly austere. After I gave birth and was breastfeeding, I went overboard, throwing restraint to the wind and eating like I had faced a famine. This time, I don’t feel overly seduced by high-calorie foods that are not good for me. A bite or two is enough to keep cravings at bay. Because the whole process of managing my diabetes felt so oppressive — having to prick myself four times a day to measure my glucose, having to jab myself every morning with slow insulin, and then with rapid insulin before every meal — I promised myself that I would do whatever was in my power to avoid a later diabetes diagnosis. Having had it twice in the past puts me at a higher risk for acquiring the disease later in life. One of the many diabetologists assigned to me while I was using the public health system told me it would be ideal for me to go back to my pre-pregnancy weight and maintain a nutritional diet. I told him that, unlike most people, I lost weight during pregnancy. He said I should then just stick to eating healthy and ensure there was always a certain amount of carbs with every meal — contrary to what most people tell you.
I now feel dysphoria when I look at myself in the mirror. Because after having had such a large belly for so many months, I am suddenly slimmer. My waistline has also decreased. Trousers that fit me before pregnancy are suddenly loose. I’ve gone down belt sizes, too. My cheeks have lost their plumpness. I look different. In some ways, I look closer to when I was in my 20s, which feels strange, because in July, I turn 40. The surprise weight loss fills me with more anxiety than delight, because I had embraced being thicker. In fact, before I got pregnant again, I had gotten fairly thick. I felt dysphoria then, too, because I had begun to judge my body once again through other people’s lenses. This time the difference in my size is so obvious that even in a place like Tramin, where no one ever comments on your physical appearance, I have had acquaintances come up to me to tell me I have shrunk.
I’m learning to accept my altered appearance while continuing to be committed to a nourishing diet. It’s not that I want to be ‘slim’ or see it as ideal. I want to continue being disciplined about the food I eat. Cooking has become even more vital to my identity. The nausea that followed me through most of my pregnancy has vanished, and all the flavours and textures of foods feel so much richer. I enjoy feasting on spinach, which I like to stir-fry for just about three minutes in some extra virgin olive oil, with garlic. I regularly eat radicchio, whose bitterness in a salad I like to counter with toasted pine nuts and beans. I eat more lean meats and ensure that vegetables are always a side dish with every meal. Sometimes, within 30 minutes of child-free time, I find I cook feasts! Everything comes together, leaving me feeling satisfied and delighted. Yesterday I took a simple cous cous and added chopped olives, sundried tomatoes, pine nuts and a squeeze of orange juice. It accompanied the turkey fillet, which had a light marinade, and I fried it with a drizzle of white wine. Making the mental switch from thinking about food as either high-calorie or indulgence to thinking about the act of eating as primarily nourishing has altered my relationship with food and with my body. This, coupled with ensuring that every day I do a high-intensity walk, with the stroller, uphill and down, for at least an hour, has done wonders for my mental well-being. Every day, I reminded myself that the human body was meant to move, not sit sedentary in an office chair.
Deliberating on the life and times of every woman, Rosalyn D’Mello is a reputable art critic and the author of A Handbook For My Lover. She posts @rosad1985 on Instagram
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The views expressed in this column are the individual’s and don’t represent those of the paper
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