“And anyway, why has our esteemed chosen to be absent from this all important gathering,” Kannadiga Chappal asked
Illustration/Uday Mohite
Shri Kannadiga Chappal, the head of the Footwear Federation of India, (FFI) sent out an urgent message, on the collective WhatsApp group — he demanded an immediate meeting, a clarion call, to address an issue of grave importance. He didn’t say what it was, just that it was vital to meet as a unit — the group was jolted into action — jootis, sandals, chappals of various designs and shades, mojaris, moccassins, Pathanis, Peshawaris, Padukas, Bata slippers, Carona shoes, Ulhasnagar imitation Adidaaas and Niikee, Jodhpur riding boots, crocodile skin loafers, the life and sole of the Indian footwear industry set out. They came from all walks of life, from all parts of India, they came on foot, in trains, ST buses, luxury buses, by boat, on cycles, on palanquins, in helicopters, hot air balloons, on horseback, motorcycles, they jogged, they ran, they trekked, they walked, from Kashmir to Kanyakumari. And from Kutch to Kolva Beach, there were footwear of all shapes and sizes — slippers, slip- ons, sneakers, semi-formals, suede, snakeskin, they were all there, with an air of expectancy. “Finally we are all coming together”, was the general feeling. And then it all came crashing down.
Kannadiga Chappal, stood up, and addressed his colleagues
“Good morning all, I would like to bring to the notice of this august gathering, we have to address the Kolhapuri-Prada controversy that is raging in the world… it affects us all”
Two millennial high-heels rolled their eyes… “We came for this?
Uff, these uncles and their issues, I’m missing two parties,” one whispered to the other.
“Arre Karnataka Chappal saab, what are you talking about? It’s been sorted between Prada and the Kolhapuri people! It’s old stale news,” one flip-flop said.
“Also, it doesn’t affect any of us… only you!” a Bata shoe opined.
“I feel the name should have been Kannadiga Chappals… it has a better ring to it than Kohlapuri Chappals,” Kannadiga continued.
From the back of the room, a slipper came flying at him, followed by boos from the footwear from the Western part of India, while the footwear from the South cheered him on.
“Saale, hamara time waste kyo kar rahe ho?” one joota yelled.
“You’re like a stuck record, same story, year after year, get over your jealousy,” a mojri screamed.
The treasurer of the group, the refined Jodhpur Boot Singhji, said, “My son, if you have a personal problem with the Maharashtrian Kolhapuris, why call us all the way, why get us involved… It’s between you and the Kolhapuri Chappals.”
“Haan bhai, yeh tumhara personal lafda hai?” said “Chappal Phad Ke” from Dongri.
“Arrey bhai, you’re just jealous, been jealous for a long time, you need to see a shrink,” a Pathani said from the front row.
The ungli of the group, the rabble rouser, Boot-nath, “Jhoota kahi ka, we know your real problem. This is a language issue for you, for years, you have held a grudge against the Kohlapuri chappal, because you feel that the Dravidian culture is undermined in comparison to the Deccan culture.”
“Hear hear,” the group cheered in unison.
Shri Kannadiga Chappal realised he was losing ground and tried a different tack.
“Does no one care, as to why this Prada fashion brand chose the Kolhapuri chappal, to copy… why not choose any of you? After all, you moccasins, mojris, jhootis are so wonderfully hand crafted, so exquisitely embroidered, frankly Prada should have copied you, Paytaans, Kapashis, Bakkalnalis, Pukaris, Kachkadis… not Kolhapuri,” he said craftily.
He paused, while a murmur went round the room.
“And anyway, why has our esteemed chosen to be absent from this all important gathering,” Kannadiga Chappal asked.
A size-four Kolhapuri chappal said from the audience
“He has left for the USA … he got a film offer.”
“What film offer?” everyone asked fascinated
“He has been asked to be in a film called ‘The Devil Wears Kolhapuri’.”
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
Subscribe today by clicking the link and stay updated with the latest news!" Click here!
