<img style="float: left;" src="http://origin.mid-day.com/images/2023/mar/Rahul-op_e.jpg" alt="Rahul Da Cunha" width="200" height="69" />Lobo Lobo, my cable TV tech guy, came over pissed off.
&ldquo;What ails you Lobo Lobo?&rdquo; I asked concerned.&nbsp;
&ldquo;See Dikuna men, my mind is fully &lsquo;kaboom&rsquo;&mdash; &lsquo;esterday, in fact hole last week, I have been trough an esperience dat is trowmatic&hellip;&rdquo;
&ldquo;Tell me, Lobo Lobo.&rdquo;
&ldquo;So de udder day, my cuzzin brudder, Constantinople, he&rsquo;s my tird cuzzin, mudders side, works on de oil rigs in Kwait men, he called and tolded me, &lsquo;Eh Theo, my youngest dotter, Rapunzel&hellip; she wants to do some hi-fi course in Bombay&hellip; going bumper over my and Gardenia&rsquo;s head&hellip; Can she come and stay wid you foe few days? She won&rsquo;t be anie trubble&hellip; she has very simple needs.&rdquo;
&ldquo;And does she&hellip; uhm this Rapunzel, have simple needs?&rdquo; I asked hesitantly.
Lobo Lobo took a deep breath, as his body tensed a tad, cheeks puffed out.
&ldquo;Hmmmmm. Grrrr, Dikuna men, fust day onie she walks into my house, puts down her bag, den sez to us, &lsquo;Hello Aunty Myrtle, Hi Uncle Theo, I&rsquo;m vegan&rsquo;. I fust tought she was saying her name was &lsquo;Vegan&rsquo;. I&rsquo;m tinking wot sort of name is Vegan? Megan I know, Reagan I know, Keegan I know&hellip; but Vegan I&rsquo;ve not heard before! Den my own dotter Cinderella whispers to me, &lsquo;Dad I think she&rsquo; telling us her dietry orientation... she is a Vegan&rsquo;&mdash;so I&rsquo;m wondering, why she&rsquo;s telling us dis on introduction only&hellip; wot dese peepul tink, s&rsquo;pose I were to say. Hello I&rsquo;m Theo Lobo, I&rsquo;m Non Veg&rsquo; or &lsquo;I&rsquo;m Rajesh, I fast on Tuesdays&rsquo; or &lsquo;I&rsquo;m Ramdev, I eat Chicken Sausages&rsquo;. &lsquo;I&rsquo;m Darryl. Less salt Olive Oil&rsquo;&hellip;.shaayyyy&hellip; what utter nonsense.
Den when my Myrtle akses her, what she should prepare for her meals she tells to my wife, &ldquo;&rsquo;Aunty I only eat plant-based food.&rdquo;
So Myrtle replies, &ldquo;My girl, you mean you eat only vegetables?&rdquo;
And den dis dame, gives dat look, you know men, wot&rsquo;s dat word... uhm condensed... conden...&rdquo; he began.
&ldquo;Condescending,&rdquo; I offered helpfully.
&ldquo;Yah men, dat oni, she says with this condensed smile, &lsquo;Uh aunty there&rsquo;s a huge difference between vegetarianism and veganism. For us, Vegans, dairy is a strict no-no.&nbsp;
See men, Myrtle was so shocked, de ony vegetables we eat are de potatoes we put in de poke vindaloo&hellip;&nbsp;
Den &lsquo;esterday, my wife had prepared dis real spread for Our Lady&rsquo;s Feast... At de dinner table dere was poke sorpotel, chorizo pulao, chicken rechado, squid chilly fry, prawn curry rice, shark ambo tik, crab xacuti&hellip;she looks at de food, den she tells to us, &lsquo;How you can you all eat this food&hellip; at the cost of someone else&rsquo;s life? Such cruelty to animals&mdash;killing, pigs, chickens, cows and fish, and squids and prawns and crabs and sharks!&rsquo;&rdquo;
Den de crowning glory is she says she&rsquo;s a Etical Vegan, bleddy, and den from under our noses, she tucks into dese delicious oysters, Myrtle had made. When Cinderella akses her &lsquo;Are you not killing oysters?&rsquo; She smugly back answers, &lsquo;I&rsquo;m also a Ostrovegan&hellip;Oysters are bivalves and don&rsquo;t feel any pain&rsquo;, and I&rsquo;m tinking&hellip;.how you know, why you giving us &ldquo;raag pati&rdquo;, do you talk&nbsp;to oysters&mdash;Oye Oyster, is it paining or wot when I bite you?&rsquo; I tell you Dikuna men, dis dame is one pain in de batooti?&rdquo;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Batooti? what&rsquo;s &lsquo;batooti&rsquo;?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Uhm bum ya&hellip; backside men!&rdquo;
Saying this, Lobo Lobo&rsquo;s body fully tensed up, expanding and bloating, he seemed green coloured as he puffed up in anger, &ldquo;Dikuna men, dese condensed people, with dere judjments, telling me not to eat poke vindaloo!&rdquo;&nbsp;
Lobo Lobo was now visibly transforming in front of me.
&ldquo;Lobo Lobo you&rsquo;re looking, uhm green, yeah looks like your veins are stretching, &nbsp;tendrils and roots are sticking out of your body. What is happening to you? You do seem like a new superhero to me, almost like Bruce Danner turning into the Incredible Hulk.&rdquo;
&ldquo;What you mean?&rdquo;
&ldquo;Lobo Lobo, ironically you&rsquo;re turning fully green&hellip; I&rsquo;m renaming you &nbsp;&lsquo;The Vegan Man&rsquo;.&rdquo;
And with that Lobo Lobo aka Vegan Man growled&mdash;&nbsp;
&ldquo;Fee Fie Fo Fum I smell the blood of a Vegan&nbsp; Be he alive or be he dead He dare not mess with my Goan spread.&rdquo;
Rahul daCunha is an adman, theatre director/playwright, photographer and traveller. Reach him at rahul.dacunha@mid-day.com
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Lobo Lobo took a deep breath, as his body tensed a tad, cheeks puffed out.

Lobo Lobo and veganism

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Lobo Lobo and veganism

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