Jessica Lall's sister, Rahul Gandhi throw some light on the power of forgiveness

Nouman Sabuwalas father Salim was killed in 2015 when lawyer Jahnvi Gadkars Audi rammed into the taxi Salim was in Gadkar is out on bail and Nouman hopes that justice will soon be servedIt was the first case that in a sense brought to national consciousness the average Indians struggle for justice against the allpowerful neta On April 30 1999 Jessica Lall was shot dead at a party at a New Delhi farmhouse by Manu Sharma son of then Congress MP from Haryana Venod Sharma for refusing to serve him a drink Though a public shooting the case saw several twists with 32 witnesses turning hostile and a trial court acquitting the accused because the prosecution failed to build a case that stood its groundBy now it was already February 2006 Later that year the case was appealed at in the High Court and on December 15 2006 Sharma was found guilty Five days later he was sentenced to life imprisonmentFor the last 15 years Sharma has been in jail Nearly two decades after one shot from a gun changed her life Jessicas sister Sabrina who fought for justice has responded to a letter sent to her by Tihar Jail where Sharma is serving his sentence that she has no objection to him getting bail More than that Sabrina said that she has forgiven SharmaNearly two decades after Manu Sharma killed her sister Jessica Lall Sabrina says she has forgiven Manu Sharma and would not object if he got bail She says for her justice is a selfhealing process PicGetty ImagesUnderstanding forgivenessForgiveness often hits the headlines If only because its so difficult to fathom Before Sabrina it was Congress scion Rahul Gandhi earlier this year who announced that he and sister Priyanka had completely forgiven LTTE chief Vellupillai Prabhakaran their father Rajiv Gandhis killer But what is forgiveness and what does it entailThis is what Dr Loren Toussaint a professor of psychology at Iowas Lurther College has been studying since 1999 Dr Toussaint who spearheads the colleges The Forgiveness Initiative at the colleges Laboratory for the Investigation of Mind Body and Spirit tells midday over email forgiveness means that you replace negative thoughts feelings and behaviours you have toward an offender with positive thoughts feelings and behaviours Based on ones faith morals or values forgiveness might mean something more and could also have deeply spiritual meaningAsked what forgiveness meant to her Sabrina tells us To me it meant healing my own self When you forgive somebody you let go of a lot of stuff that youve been holding on to She adds In that regard Ive been building myself up When you pray and think of your departed dear ones you realise that you have held on to a lot of resentment and anger I think I just came to a point where I needed to let it goScientific research into the subject also proves the point People who have forgiven often report that they feel lighter They suggest that a heaviness or weight has been lifted Forgiveness changes your outlook on life and even your perception of ordinary daily hassles and struggles It can even change functioning in many areas of the brain related to higher thought cognition stress and pain And while those who forgive feel better mentally and physically the effects are not limited to just them Perpetrators who feel forgiven and in turn forgive themselves are also very likely to experience improved healthFaizan Kapadia with daughter Hazequa Kapadia Last year in March Hazequa was hit on the head by a frying pan that fell from a highrise in Mumbai Central While investigations have reached a deadend Faizan says hersquos ready to forgive the guilty Dr Toussaint says forgiveness can be independent of justice PicSneha KharabeTime and age healsSabrina says the idea of forgiveness has been working on my mind for the last few years I was never baying for blood All I wanted was that justice is served and that he Sharma should be punished The quantum of punishment wasnt important She adds that in the past friends and wellwishers asked if shed be okay if Sharma was let out on bail And I said yes I will be okay with itI have been working on this forgiveness I cant pinpoint a particular time when I felt that I needed to forgive but it is a process that one has to go throughBeing able to forgive someone says Dr Toussaint is most likely to happen when one is in a relaxed and peaceful state Often when someone hurts you its hard to stay calm but the important point here is to allow yourself time to calm down and then eventually consider forgiving Often relaxation prayer and meditation can be helpful to get you in the right state of mind to forgiveDr Loren Toussaint professor of psychologyBut how much time does it take to reach that state Do certain actions take more time to forgive than others While minor offences are usually forgiven much faster Dr Toussaint says There is a natural decay of unforgiveness that follows a logarithmic function over time Lots of reduction of unforgiveness occurs in the first two to three monthsAge also plays a factor A 2012 report titled Do Agreeableness and Neuroticism Explain Age Differences in the Tendency to Forgive Others in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin by Marianne Steiner Mathias Allemand and Michael E McCullough investigated the hypothesis that age is positively related to a tendency to forgive others The findings were Older adults were on average more willing to forgive others than middleaged and younger adults because they were also more agreeable and less neurotic As a consequence of increasing life experience and expertise individuals may become more experienced confident and emotional stable which might increase the tendency to forgiveHas justice been servedResearch says Dr Toussaint has shown that when people are thinking about or engaging in forgiveness brain areas of higher thought and emotion are activated These tend to be parts of the front lobe For Sabrina forgiving was easier because she felt justice has been served But when that isnt the case finding forgiveness isnt easyIn June 2015 Chembur based lawyer Jahnavi Gadkar rammed her Audi into a taxi killing two people after driving on the wrong side of the road on the Freeway in a drunken state She is currently out on bail The son of Salim Sabuwala who was killed in the accident Nouman says We have suffered a lot because of Gadkar And she should not go free She should be should be convicted and sentencedBut it is possible says Dr Toussaint for justice and forgiveness to be truly independent A case in point is that of Mumbais tawa girl nineyearold Hazequa Kapadia On March 31 2017 a frying pan from a Mumbai Central highrise fell on Hazequas head cracking her skull and sending her life into a spin of coma ICU and rehabilitation that lasted a year In an interview to midday on April 15 Hazequas father Faizan while talking of how his daughters personality has changed said We are ready to forgive the person who did this to our daughter This even though no one from the building Danish Villa has stepped forward to admit their mistake The case that the cops pursued reached a dead endOften getting justice cannot fully restore what has been damaged Sometimes victims are hurt in ways for which there is no true justice In these cases its important to know that forgiveness is an option that may help victims cope Its also important to note that sometimes when justice is done folks still cannot forgive They are truly independent experiences Justice doesnt cause forgiveness to be easy any more than forgiveness brings about easy justiceAftereffects of an apologyAn apology can be a quick way of getting forgiveness But it must be a genuine one Even young children can detect inauthentic apologies and these do not help with forgiveness If you want to be forgiven the best thing to do is apologise and try to set things straight if possible In this case can one practice and enhance ones ability to let go of the past in a positive manner Dr Toussaint says yes even though its not an easy skill to acquire It starts with the desire to want to be a more forgiving person Most things that we become good at are those we do every day so try to practice forgiving even the smallest wrongs on a daily basisAlso ReadJessica Lall Case Court To Hear Perjury Complaint Against Shayan Munshi On Aug 28Catch up on all the latest Mumbai news crime news current affairs and also a complete guide on Mumbai from food to things to do and events across the city here Also download the new midday Android and iOS apps to get latest updates