You are not the person you once were, which is the most important thing to consider
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 32-year old guy and have been engaged to a girl my family knows. We are supposed to get married in six months but there are some things I haven’t told her about my past, which bothers me. She thinks I have never been in a serious relationship, but I was almost engaged to an ex-girlfriend a few years ago and had to break up because she thought I was too difficult to be with. If my fiancé finds out about this, she may end this engagement which is why I haven’t said anything yet. My parents haven’t said anything for the same reason, but I am starting to feel guilty because I don’t want to marry someone who has a wrong impression of who I am. What should I do?
You are not the person you once were, which is the most important thing to consider. Yes, it’s important to be honest with someone you intend to spend the rest of your life with, but it’s also important to provide context about your past when you’re ready to share that information. Your marriage may have nothing to do with who you were a few years ago because we all evolve. Your relationship with your fiancé may be radically different from the one you had with your ex because we interact with people differently. If you feel guilty, speak about your past, by all means, but ask for understanding and ask to be judged on your actions in the present not who you were in the past. This doesn’t have to be a problem if you have learned something and are willing and ready to put it into practice, and your fiancé should be able to appreciate that too.
What is the best way to tell someone you have a crush on them without frightening them away?
Getting to know them first is important, along with an ability to be honest based on how comfortable you both are with each other. Spending time together always helps.
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