He wants a second child, I don’t...

My husband wants us to have a second child, which I am not comfortable with because I struggled with my first. We are both in our mid-thirties, financially secure, and healthy. The problem is my inability to cope mentally with raising another child. I knew it would be a problem even with our first, but my husband has always wanted a large family and told me this when we began dating. He knew I would have problems adjusting because I didn’t hide this, but he says I should try a little harder because it means a lot for us as a family. I want to be there for him and give him this idea of home life he expects, but it feels as if he is just dismissing my fears and anxiety. I don’t want this to ruin our marriage. How do I resolve this?
Parenting is not a decision to be taken lightly, nor is it something that depends upon one person alone, more so given that the person taking this call isn’t the one giving birth. Your husband may have all kinds of ideas about what a healthy family is like, or should be like, but you are the mother, and your body is the one that must bear the brunt of this decision. If he discounts it, he discounts you as a person, and it is a sign of disrespect that isn’t going to be great for your marriage. It’s perfectly okay to feel ambivalent about a second child, or even a first, because we are all entitled to feeling the way we feel. Your husband may feel differently because his circumstances and past aren’t the same as yours. I suggest you seek therapy as a couple and air these views out to a neutral third party, because it may be easier for him to see things from your perspective if it comes from someone else. Either way, he needs to understand that this is a life-changing decision that calls for consent from both parents.

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