She may be upset or offended, but she is also allowed to say that she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. You can both avoid any potential awkwardness by being direct
Illustration/Uday Mohite
It often feels as if I am doing something wrong in my relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for a year-and-a-half, but he is often disappointed in me and there’s nothing I can do to change that perception. He is kind, generous, patient, and I am the opposite which creates a lot of friction between us. He doesn’t say anything about this explicitly, but I can always sense that I am the cause of so much unnecessary trouble. I constantly expect him to end this and choose someone else because of how bad I can sometimes make things. What can I do to change how he sees me or get him to understand that I am not doing anything on purpose? I don’t want to lose him.
You’re being unfair to yourself as well as your boyfriend by blaming yourself and assuming that he can’t cope with who you are. He has decided to be with you for a reason and is presumably a person with the capacity to make these decisions for himself. He knows you, understands who you are, and has faults of his own that you just haven’t acknowledged or recognised yet because we are all flawed individuals. If this upsets you, talk about it. If you’re worried about him leaving you, that isn’t healthy because no strong relationship is built upon fear. Be kind to yourself, apologise when something goes wrong, and trust in the process of evolution that allows two people to get to know each other better through time and constant dialogue.
How do I cope with romantic feelings for one of my best friends? She doesn’t know this, and I am afraid of what she might do or say if she finds out.
If she is a close friend, she shouldn’t have a problem with this conversation. She may be upset or offended, but she is also allowed to say that she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings. You can both avoid any potential awkwardness by being direct.
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