How do I get her to understand where I’m coming from?
Illustration/Uday Mohite
I am a 26-year old guy and have been having problems trying to communicate with my girlfriend. She is a year younger, but it sometimes feels as if I am dating a child. We have been together for a year or so now, but I constantly struggle to get her to be more serious about things. She is casual about her higher studies and her career, doesn’t seem to worry about the future, and isn’t concerned about what may happen between us either. I love her a lot and want to make this relationship work but can’t seem to get through to her because we have such different ways of looking at the world. How do I get her to understand where I’m coming from?
It doesn’t seem like a problem with communication as much as her not following your way of living. If she wants to do things a certain way, or look at things from her perspective, that is her prerogative. It is also what makes her an individual with belief systems and points of view all her own. What you seem to want is someone who will toe the line and do things that you believe are right for them. I don’t doubt your intentions, or that you want what is best for her, but you seem to forget that she has the right to do things her way too, because it is her life. I suggest you spend some time trying to understand what drew you to this person, why you were and are still attracted to her, and what makes you sure you want to spend the rest of your life with her. If you want to erase aspects of her personality that don’t gel with your own, will she still be the person you love?
Should I try and convince my boyfriend to meet my parents even if he is afraid of them?
Why not address the cause of his fear and give him space to meet them when he is comfortable?
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