A distant cousin is going around with this guy I used to be with. After two years of courtship, we broke up. I didn't keep track of him so to learn that he has hooked up with my cousin has come as a shock to me. I have moved on and don't have any feelings for him but I'm afraid he's not the right guy for her. He's very possessive and intimidating at times. Now if I try to dissuade my cousin, she'll think I'm doing it for selfish reasons when that's not the case. Well, on the other hand, I too could be wrong as he might have turned over a new leaf by now. If the latter is the case, I'd be very glad for both of them but how can I be so sure?-- Malathi
Illustration/ Satish AcharyaDear Malathi,
You indeed find yourself in an odd scenario. But no one is asking you for any advise, nor did your cousin bother to check with you, so it is best to keep up appearances. Wait and watch how their relationship progresses before saying what you feel. You don't know what the future holds for the two. What if they don't want to take it to the next level? At the moment keep a distance (anyway she is a distant cousin!) and don't get into any controversy. Only if things between the two get serious, strike a word of caution. You have not been in touch with him for the past few years, so maybe he's a changed man. Also, if you meet him, be cordial but do not talk about the past.