The gym is where we live now and socialise like never before

Representation pic

You put on your headphones, do your sets and get out before anyone makes small talk - this is no longer the culture at gyms. Today, you might enter for a workout and leave with dinner plans, a trek invitation, a new friend, or a contact for work.

For a growing number of urban Indians, the gym has become the place where life happens outside home and work. It is where adults who might otherwise struggle to make friends keep bumping into the same people, several times a week, while doing something together. The conversation starts with protein or form, moves to weekend plans and, sometimes, ends up becoming a part of your life.

The gym isn't just where we work on our bodies. It is increasingly where we work on our social lives, too. When Mananveer Singh moved from Bengaluru to Mumbai, he was already a gym regular. Naturally, he found the closest gym to his new home in a new city.

Mananveer Singh

Eventually, the gym gave him his closest friend in Mumbai. "Initially we used to just help each other at the gym, or correct the form. Then we exchanged numbers, and we had one conversation where he gave me great insights. That's how we grew to become friends. Now, we even stay in the same building," says Singh about his friend, Siddharth, an actor.

The new friendship eventually helped him meet more people in the industry and build connections that contributed to his career as a Punjabi hip-hop artist. What makes the connection interesting is that he wasn't there to network. The gym simply gave him a reason to keep seeing people.

For someone new to a city, that can be invaluable. "Offline meet-ups are better for me. I have often thought of starting my own run club, just as a way to build a fitness community," he says, describing how the gym helped him socialise and naturally meet people. "It's a great space for anyone who wants to socialise but doesn't like social gatherings or parties. I think people are bored of that. Having a shared experience at the gym, similar fitness goals - sharing all this gets you out of your shell. "

Samata Verma and Vandit Shah at their engagement

I don't know what my relationship with working out would be without these people," says Sneha Mani, who claims she's not someone who is too into fitness. Mani recently moved from Mumbai to Goa, but discovered that moving cities meant leaving behind more than a familiar address.

At her CrossFit gym in Mumbai - which she attended for three years - she had found a community that extended well beyond exercise. People went to each other's weddings and birthdays, stayed connected and became part of one another's lives. As an adult, she says, making friends isn't easy. The gym changed that.

"How the coaches are, helps too. They are friendly, they know everyone's name, they make someone new feel included," she says, explaining that it can determine how quickly a room full of strangers becomes a community. "On a management level, gyms organise fitness experiences outside the gym, like a trek… I never went for those though."

Sneha Mani

Mani says her life in Mumbai was full. The gym didn't just help her make friends, it also helped work. "I have bought jewellery from someone who would make it. Even my number would constantly get passed around because I work as a therapist."

Mani misses all that at her new gym in Goa. "It's very cheap and nice but it's traditional in the sense that you work out and you leave. I am looking for a better place now where I can find that community." Samata Verma had already decided she didn't want to date someone from the gym. Her reasoning was practical: What if it didn't work out and she lost her one happy place?

Then she saw Vandit Shah outside the gym and changed her mind. They eventually began talking over protein. Both were vegetarian, and Vandit was someone their instructor often recommended to people looking to increase their protein intake. So she sent him a DM on Instagram. That one message turned into a day-long conversation. Verma says meeting someone offline was refreshing. "I had assumed I might have to meet a partner through a dating app. That's how most of my friends have met their partners."

Michael Joseph, fitness coach

She already knew Shah was into fitness and more disciplined than her. "It just gives you the first step to make a conversation," she says.

She says that Shah, now her fiancé, has always had a core group at the gym. Now, they are her friends too. "The group also became part of bringing us together. I was always sure what I wanted in my partner. Vedant was still thinking, but they sort of convinced him to try it out. Initially, of course, they would tease us. But they are our core group. For Vandit, especially."

Now engaged, the couple train together and are participating in Hyrox together. Even on hectic workdays, there's one appointment they can count on: "At least we know that we're going to be meeting at the gym."

What your coach says

For fitness coach Michael Joseph, getting people to know each other is part of the workout

In his group sessions, he introduces every new client and gets members to work together, "Everyone needs to know each other because we have drills and we have some exercises that you need to do together," he says. "They push and encourage, and they keep on helping each other." For Joseph, the objective is not just to finish a workout. "If you act like a team, then everyone performs well and everyone gets the best result." He also deliberately takes the group outside the gym. Once a month, he books a turf for games and activities, and organises outstation fitness retreats where clients can work out, have fun and get to know each other better.

"Team bonding is very important," he says. "I want everyone to know each other. So it becomes like a good team. It becomes a community."

There is a practical reason behind this. Fitness, he points out, isn't supposed to be a two-month project. The people around you can make it easier to keep showing up, particularly on the days when motivation is missing. "If you come with a partner, that partner is always kind of motivating you to come to the gym, even on days that you probably feel a little low," he says. And perhaps that's why these friendships stick. "You meet like-minded people," Joseph says. "People who come to the gym are also very positive in their approach." For Joseph, the community isn't an accidental by-product of fitness. It is part of what keeps people in the game.

Friends and fitness go together

Rati Verma started gymming in Class 9, initially wanting to lose weight. She was also an introvert, so making friends wasn't exactly on her workout plan.

That changed once she was at the gym. She became close friends with another gym-goer, who introduced her to more people. Their friendship eventually ended, but the wider circle remained. "The other people he introduced me to or I met through him, are still friends with me," she says.

Two of her gym friends are now among her closest friends. They know about her career goals, relationships and family life. The group also meets for coffee and dinner outside the gym.

Rati Verma

Even a punishing four-hour daily commute hasn't managed to put fitness on the backburner. "Without the gym, I feel like something is missing," she says. "I don't feel like myself."

Life without the gym is oh-so boring

For Shreya Khaladkar, the gym is like a launchpad. She started talking to people there and discovered that many of them were at different stages of life but shared one priority: health.

Then the invitations began. Someone was swimming, someone else was running. There was a trek over the weekend. Her gym friends introduced her to other activities, which introduced her to other people.

"Even if they are not your closest friends, they know a part of your life that sometimes maybe your friends also don't know," she says, explaining how workout friends tend to discuss health, nutrition, and even athleisure fashion often.

Shreya Khaladkar

Today, she has different groups from the gym, kickboxing and running. Her running club has moved well beyond fitness: "It's extended from going beyond friendships to going to each other's kids' birthday parties."

Why is the gym such an easy place to start talking? "There is already an icebreaker, you can help each other's form or offer a tip. There's also time in between sets to actually chat a little.
Women, especially, we discuss fashion too, right? You will compliment someone's pants and they tell you where they got it from. And, suddenly there's a group hovering over an app to find the pants," she says.

Without the gym, what would her life be like? "Oh, so boring," she says.