Boyfriend acting in a toxic manner

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I get the feeling that my boyfriend is depressed, which leads him to act in very toxic ways towards me. He is nasty for no reason, says horrible things about me and my family, and sometimes makes me cry. When he is in a better mood, he is a completely different person and is very apologetic for everything he has said or done. This has been going on for almost a year now, so I am aware of what to expect when he starts to feel low. The thing is, I am beginning to question whether this is good for us as a couple, and if it is unfair for me to just have to accept this knowing it is a condition he will probably suffer from for years if he doesn't do something to address it. He has spoken about getting help but has done nothing about it so far. How do I deal with this?
If he says he needs help, and both of you recognise and acknowledge that he does, he absolutely needs to see someone. If he doesn't, it is not just disrespectful to you but potentially harmful because you are bearing the brunt of what is effectively emotional abuse for no reason at all. It's not okay for anyone to make you feel this way irrespective of their reasons, because there will be only so much you can take before it starts to wear you down. I suggest you reiterate how serious this is, what the implications are for you both, and how it can lead to a breakdown in your relationship if he doesn't do something to address it. If he wants this to be a healthy relationship, he needs to put in the work required.

How do I work with a co-worker who is always passive aggressive towards me?
You have to call out this behaviour and, if that doesn't work, start distancing yourself. Speaking to someone else may or may not resolve it, so consider removing yourself from this environment.

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