Dr Love with Mid-Day: I think it is just physical attraction

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been on a few dates with a guy who is extremely kind and courteous, but who also gives off a vibe that he isn't looking for anything serious. It feels like a physical attraction, and I get the feeling that he may act differently once we get into a real relationship. I may be completely wrong, but this has happened to me a few times which is why I am wary. If I agree to try a relationship and he changes his mind a few months down the line, I will end up feeling used and start to hate him. How can I avoid this situation and prevent it from happening? Am I being unnecessarily cautious?
There's nothing unnecessarily cautious about listening to your instinct. You may have no reason to doubt him yet, but the best way to avoid any misunderstanding is by being as direct as possible. If you have questions about his intentions, ask them and gauge the sincerity of his responses. If you don't want anything casual and are looking for stability, say that and ask him to talk about what he is looking for. There is no guarantee that any relationship will last or turn into something special without a certain amount of work put into it. What can be done is the laying of a foundation, which is what you should focus on. Be clear, always communicate and insist on answers, and call out anything that you are uncomfortable with. Everything else will evolve in its own time.

How do I combat social anxiety that is keeping me from going out and meeting new people? I have been single for two years because of this.
Start by being kind to yourself and accepting that social anxiety affects a lot more people than you think. Don't be afraid to speak to a professional for advice or coping mechanisms. Talk to your friends too and ask for help. Lastly, try taking small steps and being more open about your state of mind.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com