Dr Love with Mid-Day: He says he can’t get over his ex...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am a 25-year-old in a relationship with a guy who says he loves me but can't get over his ex. He wants to be with me until he can figure his feelings out, but I feel as if this takes advantage of who I am. I want to be patient and give him the time he needs, but I also want to be selfish and tell him to stop seeing me until he knows what he wants. I don't know how he will react to something like this, but I feel as if I should insist if only because it makes me feel like less of a pushover. I don't want my good nature to be taken advantage of. What should I do?
You should focus on what the big picture is rather than worry about how your partner will react, because this isn't a relationship that's offering you stability at the moment. You're asking for respect and establishing boundaries, neither of which are unreasonable demands. If your partner can't offer you the security you need, it has to be discussed. If he can't figure out his feelings, the onus of managing this is on him. Tell him why this isn't fair to you and take as much time as you need to arrive at a place of comfort with where things stand.

My husband's been spending a lot of time with another woman, and I am beginning to suspect that he is falling for her. We have been having some problems in our marriage, but I always thought we could resolve them until this happened. How do I discuss this with him without it becoming another fight? I am afraid of saying anything that sounds like an accusation.
This isn't an accusation if you're trying to save your marriage and your husband isn't addressing what appears to be a real concern. Ask him if he wants to make this work and start by telling him why this won't happen until he makes a few changes.

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