Dr love with mid-day: Why won’t he commit to a future?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My partner and I have been together for almost three years now, but nothing seems to be happening to take our relationship to the next level. We have had a few discussions about the future, but it always seems like something he wants to consider at a later date, not at present. I am not in any particular hurry, but I feel as if we should be able to talk about what our lives are going to look like even if we don't commit to something. That way, I won't feel as if I am wasting my time by being with him. I can't do anything other than broach the subject every other month and I don't know what to make of his laidback approach to this. What should I do?
Three years is a long time to not have clarity about where you're going together. If he can't have a conversation or give you any insights on the future, you have to insist on it or assume that there may be a shock further down the road. This is your life and you're entitled to answers that he isn't willing to provide, which needs to be called out. If he can't commit, and can't explain why, it's a sign that your relationship isn't as stable as you might think it is.

When do I ask where we are in a relationship if everything appears to be unstable? If we date, talk about being in love, but don't get along on most days, is it a sign that we're deliberately ignoring red flags? I am prepared to end this if we can't be honest with each other.
A relationship will evolve only when you navigate tough times together, and that has to start with acknowledgement. If that isn't happening, you have a problem and should address it as soon as possible. Words don't mean much if they aren't backed by actions, so start talking about everything that is at odds with what you are saying to each other.

The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to lovedoc@mid-day.com