I feel like having an affair...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I have been married for six years but my husband lives in another country and I have been tempted to date other men. He moved abroad a year after we were married and I was supposed to join him, but our financial conditions have been precarious and he can't accommodate me. There has been a lot of frustration in our lives about this, and I know he isn't to blame, but I constantly feel abandoned. I have been considering having an affair but don't know if this means I am destroying my marriage forever. At the same time, it doesn't seem as if things are going to change anytime soon. What should I do?

This is a challenge for you both because all marriages have ups and downs that can lead to a breakthrough or demise of the relationship. The crisis is real, as are your feelings of abandonment because the absence of a partner is not easy to manage. If you are thinking about an affair, this is a cry for help because it means your needs are either being ignored or dismissed. The onus of making this easier for you is upon your husband because you both committed to something together. Tell him why this relationship is no longer working and ask about the possibility of a compromise. Being with someone else doesn't magically make this situation better. Try and find a resolution within your marriage first, even if it means openly acknowledging that things aren't working out. Looking for love outside is a temporary solution that can only cause more pain.

My ex-boyfriend says he wants me back, but he is also dating someone else, so I don't know what to make of this. Shouldn't he end that relationship before having this conversation with me? How do I know he is serious?
Do you want to get back with him? If you do, and think you have strong reasons, why not ask him about his current relationship directly? You don't have to commit to anything.

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