My break-up has hit me hard...

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My girlfriend and I broke up around six months ago, but it feels as if I am only just beginning to come to terms with what happened. Our relationship didn't work well at all, but we still tried for almost two years. I think it has affected how I look at relationships in general and I'm worried that this will lead to problems with anyone I date in the future. I have even considered counselling to get over the whole thing but that makes me more worried because I don't want to be told that I have problems I am not aware of. I am also questioning myself a lot, and wondering if things didn't work because I didn't do as much as I could have. Am I being irrational? Will this have a permanent impact on my life?
What you are struggling with is grief, even though it may not seem like it. The end of any relationship, irrespective of how long it lasts, has an impact on the lives of those involved. There is no way of gauging how deep this impact is, or for how long it casts a shadow. Speaking to a counsellor if you need help is a great idea, but it has to be done in the right spirit, and by accepting that you may need advice on coping mechanisms. To assume that you will have problems ascribed to you defeats the purpose of speaking to a professional. You should also be kind to yourself and give yourself time to feel whatever it is you're feeling. You aren't dating anyone, nor do you know anything about the person you may date in the future. To assume the worst at this point is counterproductive because you have no way of predicting what happens next. I suggest you put aside dating for a while, allow yourself to heal, and take life as it comes. It's surprising what we are capable of managing when we give ourselves time and space to recover from something traumatic.

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