I don’t want kids, but he does

Illustration/Uday Mohite

My partner and I are on the verge of ending our four-year relationship because we have different ideas about starting a family. We have been engaged for a little over a year and are supposed to marry next year, but this discussion has derailed everything because we can't see eye to eye on what we both want. It has caused a lot of arguments, and our parents are also beginning to worry because we fight a lot about this. I don't think we should have children because I believe it is impossible to provide them with a good and secure life given our financial circumstances. My partner doesn't believe this at all. He thinks I am being pessimistic and wants to try. He says I am being irrational, even though he has no concrete reasons to back his arguments. I don't know what to do because I love him, but I can't carry the burden of being a parent when I don't want to. This has implications for the rest of my life. Should I give in?
Parenting is not a question to be taken lightly, and how you feel about wanting a child is critical to any decision you make about choosing a partner. You may both have strong and equally valid reasons for what you want as a family, but if you feel as if you are being compelled to have a child when you don't want one, it is cruel not just to you and your partner, but to the child as well. If there is no way of agreeing to this, your relationship may grow to be unhealthy. If there is no solution or compromise now, there is no way of knowing if making a forced decision may lead to resentment at some point in the future. That resentment will inevitably have an impact on your child. Making a lifelong commitment is never about giving in. It is about making calm, rational decisions based on what you both want. Think before making any choices.

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