Why can’t I relax around girls?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

I am 22 years old and trying to be more comfortable with girls but can't figure it out. I am confident with my male friends but, whenever they introduce me to a girl, I panic and start to stutter. I fail to engage in conversation and often end up either sitting quietly or leaving because I don't know how to react. A lot of my friends are now dating, and I wish I could be like them but even the thought of it terrifies me. I don't know how to change this and no matter how hard I try to be more confident, it all vanishes the minute a girl is in front of me. Is there something wrong with me? Should I speak to a counsellor about this? I don't want to stay like this forever.

There is nothing wrong with a lack of confidence because it happens to everyone and the only thing that differs is the presence or absence of coping mechanisms. Imagining the worst possible scenario - like being alone forever - is implausible because we all evolve constantly. Think about things you could or couldn't do when you were younger, for instance, and how you have changed. If you can't speak to a girl right now, that's perfectly okay because it means you just need time to understand yourself a little better. Making it seem like a bigger issue than it is only heightens the pressure on you to pretend to be someone you're not. Accept that you're not confident on this front. Try looking at everyone, male or female, as just a human being you want to get to know, and be kind to yourself. This is easier said than done, of course, but you have to learn to accept that you're young, and that confidence isn't something that we can all take for granted. Keep meeting people even if it makes you uncomfortable, and trust that there will come a time when this inability to connect with girls will be a distant memory.

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