Why does he not want to commit?

Illustration/Uday Mohite

How do I know if my partner will stick around when he doesn't make any clear or direct comments about the state of our relationship? We have been together for almost three years, but when my parents ask if I have plans, I can't respond because I don't know what to tell them. It's not as if we don't talk about this, and he knows my parents have been asking, but he always puts it off by saying it's not the time to commit. If he can't say something specific, I wonder if I am wasting my time by being with him. I love him a lot and can't imagine not being with him, which is the only reason I still wait for something clear to emerge. Am I being naïve?

You can love someone and also acknowledge that a relationship isn't working if you have clear ideas of what you want and those needs are not being met. If he can't or won't have a conversation about your future, it is disrespectful because this is your life on the line and you deserve a response even if he isn't ready to offer you one. If you are both at different stages in your life, you are allowed to make a decision about whether there is a shared version of a future. If that version does not exist, and your partner isn't interested in attempting to create one, the sooner you evaluate this relationship, the better.

I have had a huge crush on a guy who lives in my building, and he is very popular with other women. He doesn't agree to a date because I get the feeling he wants me to compete for him. It feels like he pits me against other people who ask him out. What should I do to convince him?
You should ask yourself if someone who doesn't treat you with the respect you deserve is worthy of your attention at all.

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