Boyfriend brings up past during fights

Published: Dec 04, 2019, 06:20 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

Whenever we disagree about something, he starts to list all the things I have done in the past to aggravate him

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

Dr loveMy boyfriend and I have massive fights that go on for hours, because he has a nasty habit of always bringing up previous arguments. Whenever we disagree about something, he starts to list all the things I have done in the past to aggravate him. I never bring up past issues, because I believe in focusing on the current problem, but he always goes off-topic and brings in things that have long been resolved. This is starting to exhaust me because I dread having any disagreement at all. What can I do to make this better?

I'm not sure if there's anything you can do except to sit him down when he's not fighting, point out how his behaviour is counterproductive, and decide to not engage the minute he rakes up the past. Habits are hard to break, but he needs to do what it takes to stop doing this, especially if he wants this relationship to work. You need to point that out to him clearly.

I recently had sex with a friend because my girlfriend and I had decided to take a break from our relationship. She found out about this after we got back together and has now decided to break up with me. I don't know if I did something wrong, because we were technically not a couple and I didn't cheat on her. How can I convince her to take me back? I am prepared to apologise even if I don't think I was wrong, but she won't even speak to me. What can I do to resolve this?

The two of you obviously have different takes on what that break really meant. If you are entitled to your point of view, she is entitled to hers. Start with the apology, irrespective of whether you think you are right or not. It takes time to arrive at an understanding, and the important thing is to first establish a line of communication again.

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