He stops talking for weeks after arguments

Updated: 07 November, 2020 06:08 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I try my best to cope and have repeatedly told him that this isn’t a mature way of functioning because it damages me emotionally

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

DR LOveMy husband and I have been married for four years and have the usual ups and downs that form part of any marriage. The one thing that bothers me is how he deals with arguments that don’t go his way. He stops speaking to me for two or three weeks at a time, which makes things very difficult because we are the only two people in the house. I try my best to cope and have repeatedly told him that this isn’t a mature way of functioning because it damages me emotionally. He says he wants to change but slips into the same behaviour time and again. How do I get him to stop doing this?

If the two of you have spoken about this, and he professes a desire to change, it may make sense to start working with a counsellor. To withhold communication can be a form of emotional abuse, and it may take the explanation of a professional for him to start taking this issue more seriously. He may believe this is harmless, because not saying anything means not causing any real harm, and he needs to be disabused of this notion. The sooner you both fix this, the easier it will be for the future, because bad habits can take a while to break. If this is how he copes with anger, he needs to change it.

My boyfriend doesn’t follow me on Twitter or Instagram, even though I follow him on both platforms. When I ask him about it, he says he isn’t interested in my posts. I don’t know if I should applaud his honesty or treat it as an insult. Am I over-reacting?

What he does, and how he treats you in real life, ought to be more important than his behaviour on social media platforms. If he doesn’t like your posts, that is his prerogative. You don’t have to follow him either. If you think this is insulting, simply tell him how you feel and allow him to explain better.

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First Published: 07 November, 2020 06:06 IST


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