He talks about us to his close female friend

Updated: 10 October, 2020 06:08 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

He tells her everything, even things that are private between him and me.

Illustration/ Uday Mohite
Illustration/ Uday Mohite

picMy boyfriend has had a long-distance friendship with a girl for over a decade. He told me about this before we began dating, but I didn't realize how close they were until we got together. He tells her everything, even things that are private between him and me. I am constantly worried about saying something to him because I know she will end up hearing about it. I don't know what she says about me, and I don't like the idea of her having an opinion. Am I being judgemental? I know he cares about her, but this affects me too. What should I do?

You aren't being judgemental at all. What you and your boyfriend talk about should stay between the two of you, if you prefer it that way. Having said that, you should also acknowledge that friends always tend to discuss their relationships with each other, which you may not be able to control even if you want to. It may be simpler to put this relationship he has with her into perspective. She has been friends with him for a long time, lives in another city, and has a bond with him that is radically different from the one he has with you. Would you be more comfortable if the friend he confided in were male? Talk to him, tell him why you feel the way you do, and try arriving at a compromise that allows him to be close to her while respecting your privacy.

I have problems with the way my girlfriend constantly tests my loyalty and love for her. She pretends to have a fight, for instance, just to see if I care enough to apologise and make things up to her. Why should I be tested all the time? If she doesn't trust me, how will this work?

Have you told her that her tests make you feel as if she doubts you? She probably hasn't looked at this from your perspective yet, so I suggest you point it out.

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First Published: 10 October, 2020 06:13 IST

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