I can't stand my boyfriend's sister

Updated: Dec 31, 2019, 07:45 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

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Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveMy boyfriend and I have been together for a few years now, and our relationship is pretty solid. The one thing that gets in the way is his sister. She is a nasty person who spends all her time trying to disparage me. I don’t hang out with her anymore, because she and I don’t get along at all. My boyfriend doesn’t say a thing about this though. He has been aware of the problem for a long time, but can’t stand any criticism of her, which bothers me because I want him to stand up for me. How can I change this?
It’s obvious that your boyfriend has to negotiate his relationship with you as well as his sister, and it seems as if he can’t manage either at the moment. Not addressing a problem doesn’t make it go away, so he will have to at some point. Until that happens, it may make sense to have a calm discussion about why you don’t want to engage with his sister, and how his inability to take her relationship with you seriously is hurting you. You can’t change who she is, but you may be able to change how you interact with her, or if you need to interact with her at all. Do keep in mind that relationships evolve over time though, and she may not be the same person a few months from now. Patience can often pay off.

I have been dating a girl for two years now, and we recently decided to get engaged. I didn’t tell my parents about this, but they found out because my girlfriend told them without even checking with me. How do I deal with this? She went behind my back.
If she was asked a specific question and she responded with honesty, that doesn’t mean she went behind your back. Did you ask her specifically not to mention this to your parents? If you did not, why would she have any reason to withhold this information from them?

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