Our relationship is a turbulent one
Introducing Dr Love, who solves your relationship riddles in a confusing digital age
I have had an on-off relationship with my girlfriend for over two years now. We met in college and liked each other even though we weren't dating at the time. After we graduated, we decided to get together, but something or the other has ended up affecting us since then because we have never managed more than a few months before breaking up. Every time it happens, I tell myself I will not get back with her and then end up right where I started. This is starting to worry me now because I want to be with someone I can see a future with, and I have no idea if she is the one. She doesn't know either. Should we just give up on the idea of being together?
There are two aspects to this question. First, your idea of a stable relationship that may or may not involve your girlfriend. Second, the indecisiveness that prompts you both to get together and split up. If neither of you knows what you want, or if there is a future to this relationship, you clearly haven't had a serious conversation about it yet. If you both want this to work, you will both have to agree to give it time instead of looking for an escape route at the earliest opportunity. If you don't have this conversation, there will come a time when one of you will simply decide to move on, leading to a resolution of some sort. That will inevitably lead to disappointment or resentment though, so I recommend the open and honest discussion instead of waiting for time to lead to an answer.
How do I tell someone that I have feelings for her but am not sure if I want a relationship?
Why not wait until you have a clearer idea of what you want or, if you know this person well enough, talk to her and try gauging how she feels about you? If there is no interest, that solves your problem.
The inbox is now open to take your most carnal and amorous queries. Send your questions on email to firstname.lastname@example.org
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