Big cities the world over are full of people struggling with loneliness Unfortunately it doesnt look like Bombay is any better
We'll grow old in these bubbles of our own making, safe in the knowledge that we were good neighbours who didn't engage with anyone. Representation pic/Getty Images
I received a particularly interesting video via WhatsApp this week, one that surprisingly didn't feature a politician doing something illegal or an atrocity against an innocent Indian.
This one featured comments from the World Economic Forum, specifically its Global Risks Report for 2019. The reason I found it interesting was that listed between the usual warnings about climate change, cyber attacks and terrorism, was the seemingly innocuous threat of loneliness. Apparently, the reason for its appearance on the list was new proof that revealed how loneliness does more than impact one's health; it has serious repercussions for a country's economy too.
I had, until that point, never looked at that condition as threatening. It was an eye-opening moment.
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Much has been said about how common this is, how it affects one in three adults across First World countries, how it damages the brain and immune system, or how it can lead to depression and, in some cases, even suicide. Studies repeatedly show that it increases one's risk of dying prematurely, but almost all of these reports are based on data gathered in shores far from our own.
A couple of years ago, the National Mental Health Survey of India warned about the increasing risk of suicides, the vulnerability of children and adolescents to mental disorders, and how nearly 10 per cent of India's population was affected by depression and anxiety. Naturally, ours being a country more obsessed with the dead than the living, the report was quickly forgotten almost immediately after it appeared. A year later, in 2017, the Centre for the Study of Developing Societies published a report revealing that 12 per cent of youth admitted to feeling depressed, with 8 per cent feeling lonely frequently. Given the size of the sample, extrapolation of that data ought to have rung warning bells. Nothing happened.
There were a number of things that made me realise just how our city enables isolation though. I lived in the same building for 25 years before moving to another suburb. At the time of moving, I said goodbye to just one neighbour, even though there were approximately 12 other families on the property. I simply didn't know them well enough to tell them I was leaving, which still mystifies me.
Moving to another building didn't change things drastically either. I nodded at more people this time, and exchanged pleasantries at our annual general body meetings, but still know nothing about what they're like. Neither of us has ever shared a meal at our homes, and I have resigned myself to the fact that we will all grow old in these bubbles of our own making, safe in the knowledge that we were good neighbours who didn't engage with anyone in a meaningful manner.
A close friend of mine, who moved to Bombay a decade ago, often talks about how impossible it is for a single woman or man to make friends here. I assumed it was easy, at first, but eventually came around to her point of view because she was talking about meaningful relationships, while all we offer are dating apps, Facebook groups and bar nights where strangers can play board games for a couple of hours before going back to their empty apartments. She told me of moving from rental to rental property, never knowing who her neighbours were because they all made an effort to avoid single women and were wary of bachelors.
Whom do people reach out to when they are alone in strange new cities? Whom do they call during an emergency, when they're ill, or need help at midnight? I wonder if my inability to reach out to neighbours over the years inadvertently made it harder for them to accept a place far from home, and if the simple act of conversing could have helped alleviate the crippling loneliness that any of us risks experiencing if we ever move away from our comfort zones.
Big cities exacerbate loneliness because they are powered by a million desires to succeed above everything and everyone else. They reward those who pursue goals at the expense of relationships, which is why corporate India celebrates those who work 12 hours a day rather than those who maintain a work-life balance. We have moved so far from the path of those who came before us, that we no longer step outside our lanes to see how the person alongside is doing. Can't we, at the very least, take time out to stop and say hello?
When he isn't ranting about all things Mumbai, Lindsay Pereira can be almost sweet. He tweets @lindsaypereira Send your feedback to mailbag@mid-day.com
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