'She wants friendship but I want romance...'

Updated: 21 September, 2020 07:12 IST | DR Love | Mumbai

I am in a relationship with my friend. She accepted my love during her pregnancy, because she had a lot of problems at the time and needed my support. We became close and were quite attached to each other. Things changed after the delivery though

Illustration/Uday Mohite
Illustration/Uday Mohite

Dr LoveI am in a relationship with my friend. She accepted my love during her pregnancy, because she had a lot of problems at the time and needed my support. We became close and were quite attached to each other. Things changed after the delivery though, when she stopped expressing her love for me. She told me she still felt it but couldn't say it because she was struggling with post-partum depression. She used to chat with me whenever possible, but that dropped off too as she had to spend more and more time taking care of her baby. I began to argue with her for ignoring me. Eventually, she told me that she had tried her best but couldn't continue with me because looking at her baby made her feel guilty. She is happy to be my best friend, but I need her as my lover and want to help her avoid the guilt. Please help.
— Kannan K
You have not mentioned the baby's father, for some reason. Is she still in a relationship with someone? Where does the guilt come from? If she isn't comfortable with a relationship, there really isn't anything you can do about it because she is entitled to her feelings. If her baby is a priority, she can hardly be faulted for that either. If she wants to be your friend, it may make sense to accept that relationship and avoid losing her. If things change at some point in the future, and she manages to get a clearer understanding of what this relationship means and how it can evolve, there may be some hope for you both. Until then, you may have to play the role of a friend and support her. Also, I would suggest you examine your own motives here, and what this means for the two of you. If there is someone else still in her life, think about those repercussions too. Finally, there is also a child involved."

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First Published: 21 September, 2020 04:03 IST

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