I have loved her always, but she wants to be friends...

Illustration/ satish acharya

I've know this girl since we were in school. We are now both in our late twenties. I've always liked her. We never dated as she was seeing one of my friends. A few years ago, they got married. He worked a lot and she and I spent a lot of time together. I fell in love with her. When their marriage ended, I was by her side. I knew she was very vulnerable and didn't try anything. Three months ago, she shifted to Goa to be with another guy (whom I didn't know about). I figured this would give me space to get over her. But I missed her. One day, I told her how I felt. She gave me the "we're friends and I don't want to lose that" line. Last month she called me and said they'd broken up. Like always, I was there for her. She has now moved back to her old apartment. We hang out a lot. She knows that I still have feelings for her, but it doesn't seem to matter to her. She wants to be just friends. I don't want to lose her but I don't think I can be around her anymore and hurt like this. I just don't know what to do.
Name
withheld on request

Dear Friend,
You sound like an awesome guy. And if any girl doesn't realise that, then it's her loss. I think she is being cruel by knowing how you feel about her and still letting you come to her rescue every time. You are her knight in shining armour but you are the one who needs saving from her. Right now, I don't see how this is working for you. You are there for her, but what about her? Shouldn't she consider your feelings and give you the necessary space to deal with it? I think she is being a little selfish by not considering your feelings here. And as hard as it is, you have to stop giving her so much time. You've got to go out and date other girls. It will take a while because you will pine for her, and you will end up comparing every girl to the one you love. Eventually, you will find the right girl who will love you back. It all takes time. You also need to distract yourself, whenever you think of this girl. Don't let her cross your mind all the time. It may take even a year to change your feelings towards her, but you'll find that it is worth it.u00a0

Do I love him or is it just lust?

Dear Diana,
I am a 17-year-old girl. I always think about this guy. When I'm with him, I feel like nothing in the world could go wrong. When I see him, I have butterflies in my stomach. I want to be in his arms forever. Is this true love, or lust?
BK

Dear BK,
Love is when you care about someone more than you care about yourself. Lust is just attraction. Infatuation is when you can't stop thinking about him and want to spend as much time with him as possible. You are just infatuated. It's possible to love someone and to be infatuated with him too.

I am a loser, I have no boyfriend!

Dear Diana,
I will turn 21 years old in a month and I have never been in a real relationship yet. I feel like a loser because of that. The closest I have ever got to having a real relationship is when I was dating this guy, who it turned out was sleeping with another girl behind my back. He treated me badly, but I still talk to him. He calls only when the other girl is not available, but I still answer his calls. I do this because I feel he is the only kind of guy I will ever get. I spend all my free time with my close friends. Is there ever a chance for a relationship for me or am I incapable of one?
Gulrayz

Dear Gulrayz,
C'mon, there is no need to feel like a loser. Tonnes of people enter into relationships only once they hit their twenties. It's not unheard of.u00a0 And of course yes you are capable of a relationship, everyone is! It's just a matter of having a little patience, getting out there and doing a bit of mingling. First things first though ufffd stop talking to this guy who is treating you badly. You deserve better. Stop all communication with him. Make it very clear to him that if he doesn't leave you alone, you will tell his girlfriend. The next agenda is to meet cute guys. Go to parties or nightclubs and keep your eyes open. Even if you just strike up a conversation and make some new guy friends, it's certainly heading in the right direction.

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