I'm 23 and am from Mumbai. I have always been disappointed with whatever I have done
Dear Diana,
I'm 23 and am from Mumbai. I have always been disappointed with whatever I have done. I am the youngest in my family but everybody cribs that I am a good-for-nothing. My elders make all my decisions for me. Wherever I go, my sis and my mother keep on ringing wanting to know where I am. It pisses me off. I feel like running away. Though my sis is married she stays with us. Everyone nags me.u00a0 If I say anything, I get a standard answer: I should get married. I have no personal life. If someone calls on my cellphone, everyone needs to know whose call it was and what I was talking about. is it necessary to share everything with family members. Moreover, I have a boyfriend but I don't know where we stand as people in his building tell me he is married to another girl who isn't of our caste. I'm tired of asking him becasue he just denies it. His friends are a pain. I had a fight with my BF and he abused me in front of him. That was a big deal. We patched up later but now he says he never loved me; that he tried giving our relationship a chance but couldnt. I've messed up. Kindly advise or I will commit suicide!
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
I understand that it's difficult when nobody seems to see things your way and it's exceptionally difficult when you're 23 and you have to explain yourself in whatever you do. If you want to be free of these shackles, you'll have to find a job (if you don't already have one), and find accomodation away from your overbearing parents and family members. Regarding your 'boyfriend', I think you should get him to tell the truth about his marital status or break up with him, without further ado. There's no point putting up with an abusive boyfriend. It's simply not worth it.
Should I ask him directly why he didn't call?
Dear Diana,
Thanks for the positive reply ('He's not seeing anyone, so what's the problem, yaar?'; August 13). The problem is that he is that he is busy at his work place and I'm busy with my studies. My mom doesn't allow me to go out anywhere or with anyone, but she knows about this friend as he met my mom at a party. How should I meet or talk to him? Should I directly ask him what his feelings towards me are? Won't he be surprised? Should I call him up on my own and ask him why he didn't call or message me?
Name withheld
Dear Friend,
I never said you should ask him outright. Ask common friends if he's worth all the trouble. Besides, he won't tell you why he didn't call or message if you ask the question as a possessive (potential) girlfriend would. Ask him casually if something is the matter. Is something troubling him or somesuch. You'll get your reasons soon enough. Moreover, if you are studying for your finals or some important exams, I suggest you keep this affair on the backburner until they are done with. If it's urgent enough that you meet him ASAP, find a way to sneak out but do keep someone you trust in your house, informed.
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