My wife doesn't want sex!

A friend of mine recently got married to the perfect "convent-educated, fair and homely" girl. His parents couldn't have been happier. But he had a problem at hand. The "homely" bride spent more time in the kitchen and with his mom than with him. "She doesn't want to have sex. And when we have it, she is colder than the Poles," came his SOS call within a month of the D-day.

This is the commonest problem Indian couples face, especially those who have not spent enough time with each other before an arranged marriage. And a problem that none of the fancy American websites with voluptuous women on their web pages address.u00a0 So what do you do, other than looking for some fun on the side?

Talk: Yes. That's what all women like. Use your lips, mouth and brains to win her heart. But don't talk porn. Start with topics she is comfortable with and pepper the conversation with light sexual innuendos. Like you could talk about the pretty sari she wore to a relative's place the other night and add that you loved the way a wayward hair played at her nape. If she smiles, you could tell her that you wanted to kiss her back and if she is okay with it, step up the tempo and show her how.

Be realistic: Don't expect your wife to want to have sex with you every night, even if you are panting for it. Find out what her mood is like, how tired she is and if she has to take care of household chores. May be you could pitch in with the chores and help her wind up early. She will be eager to help you out too.

Background search: My friend's wife is a sweet girl but her small-town background and her conservative family drilled into her that sex is a taboo. Most Indian girls grow up with this frame of mind and it's difficult to shed it in a day. Be patient. Make her realise sex is right and fun.

Stay away if she is angry: When a man is angry he still might be ready to have sex and then forget all about the fight you have had. For a woman, the sex move may anger her even more. If your wife is mad at you, you can kiss your chances of having sex goodbye. Stay away till the sorries have been said.

Foreplay, foreplay and more foreplay: Not the type James Bond preaches but soft and more practical. If she isn't in the mood but hasn't said no to your kiss, linger on, stretch the moment. Touch her a little softer. She'll remember how good it feels and may get in the mood.

Respect her: Just because she married you, doesn't mean you have to stop being courteous and polite.
Mood it right: Set the mood early in the day. Before you leave for office, engage in a little foreplay. She'll think about you throughout the day and by time you both are home, she'll probably be ready to make love to you.